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Tuesday, December 14, 2004 After a two-month long absence, Henry is finally back. And what's he up to? Helping his old friend Katie, what else? Katie has recently come back to town because she realized she still loves Mike. Unfortunately he appears to have moved on with Jen, so Katie calls up Henry for help. She walks into Metro and is greeted by a big hug and a "Bubbles!" from Henry. She comments that he's early, and Henry responds that she's late. "I have been sitting on that barstool for six months waiting for you. Look at you. You look great." Henry asks her where she's been and why she hasn't called or written. "Where is that big Aussie lug that you married?" he asks. Katie suggests they sit down, they have a lot of catching up to do. "Do we need martinis? We do. I can tell something's going on. We definitely need martinis," says Henry. "I never went to Australia with Simon," confesses Katie. She explains she's been in Europe with her Mom. "What about Simon?" asks Henry. "I divorced him," says Katie bluntly. "We don't need martinis. This calls for champagne," smiles Henry. Katie and Henry are sitting at a table with a bottle of champagne. "It's too early for champagne. And I'm not really feeling very bubbly," protests Katie. "Are you still in the brooding, weepy phase of the divorce? You did say divorce, right? Good. I just wanted to make sure before I chortle. Katie, Katie, Katie -- that man was wrong for you in ten different ways that Uncle Henry will outline for you at length, if you want. Now, look, let the healing begin," proclaims Henry. Katie insists that she's fine with it. "Oh? You didn't come back to nurse your wounded heart or regain your strength?" asks Henry. Katie says no, and Henry realizes that the reason she came back was for Mike. Katie denies it, explaining that her brother Craig is missing. "You came back to not find your worthless brother?" says Henry doubtfully. "No, for Margo. She's worried about him. And it's the holidays. I want to be with Margo and Tom and Casey," says Katie. "And Mike," adds Henry. "And you," says Katie. "And Mike," repeats Henry. "And the Hughes and Alison," continues Katie. "Mike," says Henry. "And Lucy. And Rosanna. And all the people who that I work with," Katie digs in the bottom of the barrel. "The dry cleaner misses you, too, Katie," jokes Henry. "Stop, stop, stop, stop. You're down to the rabbit, and Snickers is not talking to you. Snickers expected at least a postcard. Have you seen Mike yet?" asks Henry. "Oh, yes. Every bit of him. Straight out of the shower," says Katie. "I should tell you to stop, but I want more," says Henry, intrigued. "All right, well, how's this? Jennifer Munson, also dripping, in Mike's bathrobe," says Katie, explaining that she saw Mike and Jen kissing, but Margo told her it was probably nothing and she should tell Mike how she feels. Which she did, only to find both of them half-dressed. "Yes, dripping wet. I have the image. So it was awkward. And then she shed a few tears, she got dressed, and then she left you and Mike alone together," suggests Henry. "Not exactly," says Katie. "Katie, you told Mike, right?" asks Henry. "Told him what?" says Katie innocently. "That you came back for him, that you made a huge mistake, that you'd love him forever," prompts Henry. "Of course I didn’t," says Katie. "What? You didn't just tell him you happen to be in the neighborhood, did you? No. No, you didn’t," groans Henry. Katie tells him it gets worse; she told Mike she and Simon were still happily married. "You cannot let Mike think you're happily married to Simon," insists Henry. Katie tells him it's for the best. "No, no, it isn’t. The best is for you and Mike to finally be together," says Henry. "We weren't meant to be, okay? He's happy. I could tell that. And he deserves that," says Katie. "What is that? What is that? Is that the last act of 'Camille?'" asks Henry. "Now you'll be wandering the streets of Oakdale, alone and forlorn, because you nobly didn't tell Mike the truth, and now you'll just withdraw to suffer in silence?" "What, you think I'm playing the martyr?" asks Katie. "The only thing that's missing are the violins," says Henry, "And, you know, you're gonna start developing a wasting cough now. I can just feel it." "Oh, Henry," protests Katie. "And I will not make you hot toddies, all right?" he says. Katie explains that she went to Mike before she left with the intention of telling him the truth, but he told her they weren't meant to be. "Because he thought you were leaving with Simon," says Henry. Katie believes that he meant it. "No, I was here, Katie. I saw him. He was one miserable hound, okay? Mike missed you. He still loves you. And if you don't jump in there and tell him the truth, you're gonna blow the chance for you two to be happier than you've ever been in your lives," Henry lectures her. "But he's happy with Jennifer. He found someone else to love," mourns Katie. "How do you know its love?" asks Henry. "He slept with her," answers Katie. Laughing, Henry says, "Well, what does that mean? I mean, that doesn't mean anything -- except -- except with you, of course. No guy would ever..." "Oh, yeah. I know what you're saying," says Katie. "All right, Katherine. Just listen to me. Sometimes it's not love. Sometimes it's -- Tuesday," explains Henry. "Not with Mike. So what am I supposed to do? He's finally found someone else, so I just stroll into town and make him choose? I can't do that to him," says Katie. "To him or to you? Is this because it's for the best? Or is it because you think he might choose Jennifer? Hey, listen -- you've gotta tell Mike how you feel. Because if you don't, you're going to regret it every day for the rest of your life. You know why? Because there's not a snowball's chance in hell that he won't choose you. Here's your chance," says Henry as Mike and Jennifer walk into Metro. Wiping away tears, Katie says hello. "Katie, are you crying?" asks Mike, concerned. "Yeah, she is. She is crying. Why don't you tell him why you're crying, Katie? Go on," says Henry. "Oh. I was just telling Henry -- that I miss Simon so much," lies Katie. Mike and Jen have sat down across the bar. Henry tells Katie to drink up, but she says she hasn't eaten all day. "Good. Maybe you'll get nice and drunk and go over and tell Mike the truth. I'd prefer a big, sloppy scene to this nauseating gallantry any day," says Henry. "Anything is better -- anything is preferable to that miserable lie that you told about missing Simon." Katie tells him to keep his voice down. "You know, maybe I should make a big, sloppy scene. Hmm?" threatens Henry. "Don't you dare!" cries Katie. "Okay, but anything is better than -- 'No, that's okay. I'm fine. Did the lights just go dim?'" says Henry, coughing weakly. Katie tells him to cut it out, "What was I supposed to do? Sit here in front of Jennifer and say, 'Dump the redhead. I'm back?'" "Oh, it's a strategic problem? I didn't realize that. Okay, I'll distract Jennifer," offers Henry. "No! I wouldn't," protests Katie. "Yes, you would. Yes, you would," says Henry. Katie insists that Mike is happy, but Henry tells her she doesn't know that for sure. "Yes, I do. And I need to be happy, too, damn it. And you're going to help me," orders Katie. Henry asks how, and Katie responds, "Well, I have two choices. A -- I could leave town right now. Or B -- I could stay and pretend I'm happily married to Simon." "Or C -- none of the above," adds Henry. "Be a friend," begs Katie. "I'm trying, Katie," sighs Henry. "I'm just supposed to let Mike think that I saw his picture in a magazine, and I couldn't stay away a minute longer?" asks Katie. "Well, you did, and you couldn’t. And now you're here. See? Come on. Don't you think that would melt him like jell-o on a hot August day? He would be back in your arms in a heartbeat," says Henry. "I need to look happy, not pathetic or desperate or -- available," says Katie. "Right. God forbid this should be easy," jokes Henry. "Are you going to help me or not?" asks Katie. Jennifer and Mike pass the table on their way out. "Hi, kids. You leaving so soon?" says Henry lightly. Jen says they have plan, and Mike says he hopes Simon can make it for Christmas. "Simon will swim here if he has to," smiles Henry. "Good. You know, maybe the four of us -- five of us -- can get together over the holidays," suggests Mike. "Yeah, maybe we can. Well, you two have a fun evening," says Katie. Jen and Mike leave, and Henry coughs weakly, "Don't mind me. You two just go out and have fun in the world." "All right. You want me to say it? Watching Mike walk off with Jennifer totally bites," agrees Katie. "She's back," grins Henry. "You set me up," Katie accuses Henry. "Well, you said you wanted help to look like the blissfully happy Mrs. Frasier," Henry reminds her. "Oh, yeah. And now I have to produce Simon for the holidays," says Katie. "Yeah, that could be sticky. Of course, you could always tell him the truth," suggests Henry. Katie says she'd prefer to cover it up. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Katie, you love him. Take a chance," begs Henry. "I gotta go," says Katie, getting up to leave. "Hold on -- I'll drive you home. We can pick up Snickers on the way home, huh? Come on," says Henry, putting his arm around her as they head out the door. Today’s episode was directed by Michael Eilbaum and written by Melissa Salmons.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: Bubbles! Katie: Hey, you're early. Henry: Oh, and you are late. I have been sitting on that barstool for six months waiting for you. Look at you. You look great. Katie: Thanks. So do you. Henry: Yeah. Now, where have you been? What's been going on? You have not written to me. You have not called me. Where is that big Aussie lug that you married? Katie: Why don't you sit down? We have a lot of catching up to do. Henry: Do we need martinis? We do. I can tell something's going on. We definitely need martinis. Katie: I never went to Australia with Simon. Henry: Where have you been? Katie: Mostly in Europe with my mom. Henry: What about Simon? Katie: I divorced him. Henry: We don't need martinis. This calls for champagne. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Katie: It's too early for champagne. And I'm not really feeling very bubbly. Henry: Are you still in the brooding, weepy phase of the divorce? You did say "divorce," right? Good. I just wanted to make sure before I chortle. Katie, Katie, Katie -- that man was wrong for you in ten different ways that Uncle Henry will outline for you at length, if you want. Now, look, let the healing begin. Katie: Henry, I'm okay with the divorce. Henry: Oh? You didn't come back to nurse your wounded heart or regain your strength? Katie: No. Henry: Mike -- you came back for Mike. Katie: No, I came back because my brother Craig is missing. Henry: You came back to not find your worthless brother? No. Katie: No, for Margo. She's worried about him. And it's the holidays. I want to be with Margo and Tom and Casey. Henry: And Mike. Katie: And you. Henry: And Mike. Katie: And the Hughes and Alison. Henry: Mike. Katie: And Lucy. Henry: Mike. Katie: And Rosanna. And all the people who that I work with. Henry: The dry cleaner misses you, too, Katie. Katie: Yeah, and -- Henry: Stop, stop, stop, stop. You're down to the rabbit, and Snickers is not talking to you. Snickers expected at least a postcard. Have you seen Mike yet? Katie: Oh, yes. Every bit of him. Straight out of the shower. Henry: I should tell you to stop, but I want more. Katie: All right, well, how's this? Jennifer Munson, also dripping, in Mike's bathrobe. Henry: Whoops. Katie: Yeah. Margo told me that Mike wasn't seeing anyone. So imagine my surprise when I see him kissing Jennifer outside of the Christmas tree place. So I thought, well, Margo must have been wrong. So I go to Margo -- I tell her, "You were wrong." And she says, "No, no, no, no. I don't think so. Why don't you go over to Mike's and tell him how you feel?" Henry: Oh, yeah. How'd that work out? Katie: I just told you, Henry. Jennifer was there. Henry: Yes, dripping wet. I have the image. So it was awkward. And then she shed a few tears, she got dressed, and then she left you and Mike alone together. Katie: Not exactly. Henry: Katie, you told Mike, right? Katie: Told him what? Henry: That you came back for him, that you made a huge mistake, that you'd love him forever. Katie: Of course I didn’t. Henry: What? You didn't just tell him you happen to be in the neighborhood, did you? No. No, you didn’t. Katie: It gets worse. Henry: No, it can’t. It can’t. Katie: I told him that Simon and I were ecstatically happy together. [Henry sighs] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Henry: You cannot let Mike think you're happily married to Simon. Katie: It's for the best, Henry. Henry: No, no, it isn’t. The best is for you and Mike to finally be together. Katie: We weren't meant to be, okay? He's happy. I could tell that. And he deserves that. Henry: What is that? What is that? Is that the last act of "Camille"? Katie: What? Henry: Now you'll be wandering the streets of Oakdale, alone and forlorn, because you nobly didn't tell Mike the truth, and now you'll just withdraw to suffer in silence? Katie: What, you think I'm playing the martyr? Henry: The only thing that's missing are the violins. Katie: You're so wrong! Henry: And, you know, you're gonna start developing a wasting cough now. I can just feel it. Katie: Oh, Henry -- Henry: And I will not make you hot toddies, all right? Katie: Listen -- shut up, okay? I tried. I went to Mike before I left. And I tried to tell him that I left Simon and that I loved him. And you know what he said? He had already written us off. He said it wasn't meant to be, no matter what. Henry: Because he thought you were leaving with Simon. Katie: No, Henry -- Henry: Yes. Katie: He meant it. Henry: No, I was here, Katie. I saw him. He was one miserable hound, okay? Mike missed you. He still loves you. And if you don't jump in there and tell him the truth, you're gonna blow the chance for you two to be happier than you've ever been in your lives. Katie: But he's happy with Jennifer. He found someone else to love. Henry: How do you know its love? Katie: He slept with her. [Henry chuckles] Henry: Well, what does that mean? I mean, that doesn't mean anything -- except -- except with you, of course. No guy would ever -- Katie: Oh, yeah. I know what you're saying. Henry: All right, Katherine. Just listen to me. Sometimes it's not love. Sometimes it's -- Tuesday. Katie: Not with Mike. So what am I supposed to do? He's finally found someone else, so I just stroll into town and make him choose? I can't do that to him. Henry: To him or to you? Is this because it's for the best? Or is it because you think he might choose Jennifer? Hey, listen -- you've gotta tell Mike how you feel. Because if you don't, you're going to regret it every day for the rest of your life. You know why? Because there's not a snowball's chance in hell that he won't choose you. Here's your chance. Katie: What? Hey! Hi, guys. Mike: Katie, are you crying? Henry: Yeah, she is. She is crying. Why don't you tell him why you're crying, Katie? Go on. Katie: Oh. I was just telling Henry -- that I miss Simon so much. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Henry: Drink up, kid. Katie: I haven't eaten today. Henry: Good. Maybe you'll get nice and drunk and go over and tell Mike the truth. I'd prefer a big, sloppy scene to this nauseating gallantry any day. Katie: Henry -- Henry: Anything is better -- anything is preferable to that miserable lie that you told about missing Simon. Katie: Would you keep your voice down? Henry: You know, maybe I should make a big, sloppy scene. Hmm? Katie: Don't you dare! Henry: Okay, but anything is better than -- [Fake coughing] "No, that's okay. I'm fine. Did the lights just go dim?" [Fake coughing] Katie: Would you cut it out? Henry: I will if you will. What is the matter with you? Katie: What was I supposed to do? Sit here in front of Jennifer and say, "dump the redhead. I'm back"? Henry: Oh, it's a strategic problem? I didn't realize that. Okay, I'll distract Jennifer. Katie: No! I wouldn't -- Henry: Yes, you would. Yes, you would. Katie: Mike is happy. Henry: You don't know that. Katie: Yes, I do. And I need to be happy, too, damn it. And you're going to help me. Henry: How is that? [Katie sighs] Katie: Well, I have two choices. "A" -- I could leave town right now. Or "b" -- I could stay and pretend I'm happily married to Simon. Henry: Or "c" -- none of the above. Katie: Be a friend. Henry: I'm trying, Katie. Katie: I'm just supposed to let Mike think that I saw his picture in a magazine, and I couldn't stay away a minute longer? Henry: Well, you did, and you couldn’t. And now you're here. See? Come on. Don't you think that would melt him like jell-o on a hot August day? He would be back in your arms in a heartbeat. Katie: I need to look happy, not pathetic or desperate or -- available. Henry: Right. God forbid this should be easy. Katie: Are you going to help me or not? Jennifer: What button is Katie pushing now? Mike: I'm sorry. Jennifer: Hey, it's okay. She was crying. Of course it gets to you. Mike: That is a big button. I cannot stand to see a woman cry. I always feel -- Jennifer: Manipulated? Mike: Inadequate. Jennifer: Really? Mike: Yeah. I never know what to do. You know, whatever you think of to say always feels so lame. Jennifer: Mike, you don't have to say anything. You know, if I ever cry, all you have to do is just touch my hand. And that would be more than adequate. You could throw in a shampoo, too. That wouldn't hurt. Mike: Deal. You ready to go? Jennifer: Sure. Henry: Hi, kids. You leaving so soon? Jennifer: We have plans. Mike: I hope Simon can come for Christmas. Henry: Simon will swim here if he has to. Mike: Good. You know, maybe the four of us -- five of us -- can get together over the holidays. Katie: Yeah, maybe we can. Well, you two have a fun evening. [In raspy tone] Henry: "Don't mind me. You two just go out and have fun in the world." [Fake cough, wheeze] Katie: All right. You want me to say it? Watching Mike walk off with Jennifer totally bites. Henry: She's back. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Katie: You set me up. Henry: Well, you said you wanted help to look like the blissfully happy Mrs. Frasier. Katie: Oh, yeah. And now I have to produce Simon for the holidays. Henry: Yeah, that could be sticky. Of course, you could always tell him the truth. Katie: No, no. I'll just figure out a way to cover it up. Henry: Why are you doing this to yourself? Katie, you love him. Take a chance. Katie: I gotta go. Henry: Hold on -- I'll drive you home. We can pick up Snickers on the way home, huh? Come on.
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