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Thursday, December 11, 2008 It's Jack's bachelor party, and Henry and Brad are in charge of getting Jack to Yo's for the celebration. Once there, Henry mistakes a woman at the bar for the stripper, and her husband is not happy! Later, Vienna asks Henry if they should think about getting married, but they both agree they're happy as they are. Today’s episode was directed by Chris Goutman and written by Lisa Conner.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Brad: Oh, you're here! Henry: Thank God! Jack: What's wrong? Henry: We need you to come with us. Brad: Now! Jack: You've been free men for all of 48 hours. What the hell kind of trouble have you gotten yourselves into now?
Jack: Well, I'm waiting. Brad: We can't tell you here. Jack: Why not? Henry: It's personal. Brad: Extremely personal. Jack: You know what? I don't even want to know. Brad: You don't have a choice. You're already in. Jack: In what? Henry: If you come with us, you'll find out. Jack: I can't just leave. I'm in the middle of a shift. Henry: Actually, you can. Brad: We already cleared it with Margo. Jack: You what? Brad: Trust me. Jack: Famous last words. Henry: All right, all right, all right. Trust me then. Grab him. Jack: Hey! Jack: Come on, enough stalling, guys. Just tell me what kind of trouble you're in and why I had to come to Yo's to find out. Henry: We're not in trouble. Brad: You are. Henry: Big time. Jack: What are you talking about? Henry: You're getting married again. Brad: And we're going to make your last night of freedom one to remember. [All shouting, clapping] Jack: Very nice, you got me. Revel in it, because it's the last time it's gonna happen. Brad: Oh, come on. Did you really think we were going to let you tie the knot without throwing you a bachelor party? Let's get this poor sucker a beer. Let's get this party started!
Holden: So are you nervous? Jack: About what Brad's got planned? Holden: No, about getting married? Jack: Holden, it's not like I haven't done it before. Holden: Well, that makes two of us. Or rather, three of us. Right, Brian? Brian: How did you know that? Holden: Lily told me that you were married once before. Brian: Uh, well, I'm just hoping that the second time's a charm. Luke: Can I get a seltzer with lime, please? Bartender: Smart move. Wouldn't want to have to toss you out on your ear again. Noah: Oh, looks like I missed the big surprise moment. Luke: Oh, well, you made it. That's what counts. Do you want to get a drink? Noah: Later. I see that Brian is here. Luke: Yeah, Dad insisted. Noah: Things any better between you two? Luke: Uh, well, he thinks I'm a spy. I think he's a closet-case. But yeah, yeah, things are great. Noah: Okay, I still think that you should let it go. Luke: Well, you know, it's kind of hard when he's doing this whole doting husband routine. Noah: You told me that you didn't want to mess things up for your grandmother. Luke: Noah, I didn't mess it up. Brian did by marrying her and hitting on me. Noah: Okay, why are you jumping down my throat about this? Are you drunk? Luke: No. Maybe I should be. Look, I didn't -- I didn't mean it. Noah: I'm going to go congratulate Jack. Brad: Well, you've got nothing on my brother who's turned walking down the aisle into a hobby, which either makes him most optimistic man in the world -- Henry: Or the dumbest. Jack: Oh -- [Laughter] Brad: Or the dumbest -- anyway, hey, there are wedding crashers and singers. And then there's my big brother -- the wedding addict. But I really -- I really think that he has found his cure. A woman who can keep him happy and never let him down. [Cheers]
Brian: Can I buy you a soda? Luke: Are you serious? Brian: Why not? Luke: So does this mean you're not mad at me any more for getting in contact with your ex-wife? Brian: Well, what you did was a gross violation of my privacy. But for the sake of this party and for the sake of Lucinda, maybe we -- and the least we can do is be civil to each other. Luke: Yeah. Yes, we should do the right thing, for my grandmother's sake. Brian: Scotch. Straight. Henry: Looks like the entertainment has just arrived. Brad: She's perfect. Henry: Yeah, but Brad, are you sure you want to do this? Brad: Look, my brother needs to loosen up. Can you talk to her? I'll take care of Jack. Henry: So, do you want to get undressed in the ladies' room? Mary Lou: Excuse me? Henry: Oh, you just want to rip it off all right here and get down and dirty right off the bat? Husband: What did you just say to my wife? Henry: Isn't she the stripper? Husband: What? Henry: No, I just -- I don't know about you, but when I see those kind of heels, it leads me to one conclusion -- Brad: Henry, Henry, how many times do I have to tell you, you have to wear your glasses? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please excuse my friend. He can't see two feet in front of his face. Husband: Come on, Mary Lou. Let's get out of this dump. Brad: I thought you knew what she looked like. Henry: I got her off the internet. Brad: Did you even see her picture? Henry: No, it was a little fuzzy. But she was wearing a boa -- fuzzy thing. Jack: After one taste of the pie, you know you got to marry -- Female stripper: You're Detective Jack Snyder, right? Jack: Can I help you? Female stripper: Well, you already have. You arrested that horrible man that robbed me. Jack: I did? I'm sorry, I don't remember -- Female stripper: Well, I've been trying to think of a way that I can repay you -- Jack: Oh, please, seriously. I can't take any money. Female stripper: Well, if you can't take money, will accept this? [Cheers] Jack: I thought we agreed, no strippers. Brad: She's an exotic dancer. Henry: Yes, she is. [Cheers] Jack: I'm never going to forget this. Brad: That's the idea. Brian: Another scotch. Brad: She's an animal! Start the wildcat! Brian: Oh, shake it, baby! [Cheers]
Brian: Yeah, Baby. Give me some of that! Jack: Okay, okay, you see that guy over there? His wedding was so sudden, he never even got a bachelor party. So, I think at this point, he needs right now more than I do. [Cheering] Brian: Okay! Don't tell Lucinda! Holden: Don't worry, your secret's safe. Luke: Okay, even you have to admit that he's overcompensating a little bit. Noah: Why can't you cut the guy some slack? He is obviously confused. Luke: Noah, why do you defend him all the time? Is it because he reminds you of the good old days when you pretended you were straight? Holden: Hey, is everything okay? Luke: Everything's fine, Dad. Holden: Brian's having a good time, isn't he? Luke: Yeah, it looks like he's trying to, at least. Holden: What? Luke: Nothing. Noah: I'm getting out of here. Luke: No, Noah, Noah, please. Don't leave.
Janet: I told you there was nothing to worry about. Henry: Hey, where's my liebchen? Vienna: Hi! [Cheers] Janet: Where's Jack? Henry: Where's Jack, he said he had to go back to the police station, right, right? Brad: Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he'll be here soon. Janet: Bradley -- Brad: What? Janet: Be honest with me. Is he at the police station or is he with Carly? Jack: Has anybody seen my bride-to-be? Janet: Ooh -- Jack: How are you? Janet: I'm good. Oh, it's good to see you. I thought you were with Carly. Jack: Actually, I was. Brad: It's late, yeah. Katie: Yeah, we should go -- Henry: We'll be right behind you. Janet: Why were you with Carly? Jack: She showed up at Yo's. Very drunk. And then she got very sick. In the bathroom, on the floor of my car. Janet: Oh, so you took her home? Jack: Yeah, and I put her to bed. Janet: And? Jack: And that's it. So tell me about your night. Janet: It's not too late, you know. Jack: For what? Janet: For you to change your mind about the wedding.
Vienna: Oh, my Lord! How dare you break into my chamber on this night of all nights? Henry: I can't help it, my lady. For you have reawakened my heart. And various other parts of my body. And tomorrow -- tomorrow you must give your hand -- not to mention the flower of your maidenhood -- to the wealthy yet unattractive duke, whose vast fortune will protect your destitute yet genteel family from the downward spiral into poverty and degradation. Which brings me to why I'm here. Vienna: Finally! Henry: I must have you. Now. Before you give yourself to another man. I must! I must have you. I must! I must -- Vienna: Henry? Do you think we're making a big mistake? Henry: Oh, man. I knew it. You wanted to play headmistress to my pupil tonight, I'm sorry -- Vienna: No, no, no, I'm talking about marriage. Do you think we're making a big mistake by not getting married? Henry: That it's a mature, responsible thing to do. Vienna: Is that what you want? Henry: Is that what you want? Both: No! Vienna: My Lord! Henry: My lady!
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