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Monday, November 27, 2006 Katie's book comes out today, and Henry convinces her to sign autographs for her many fans. Unfortunately, Simon, Carly, and Mike are not among them. Today’s episode was directed by Michael Eilbaum and written by David A. Levinson.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Katie: You know how you start something, and it's never your intention to hurt anybody, but you end up hurting everybody? Henry: Yes. Katie: I've made a career out if it. Henry: Well, you spilled your guts in a moment of anger and panic and then you sold it for the whole world to read. Katie: I was just so upset, I didn't stop to think about all the people this would hurt. It happened so fast. Henry: Look on the bright side. Maybe the thing will be a flop and they'll pull the book from the shelves. Problem solved. Katie: Henry, you're a genius. Henry: What? Katie: Excuse me -- are these on sale yet? Bookstore clerk: Absolutely -- how many would you like? Katie: All of them.
Bookstore clerk: Hey, that's you! Katie: Yes, I am the author. Bookstore clerk: You don't have to buy a copy, you can have as many you want. We have plenty of boxes in the back. Katie: Boxes? Oh, yeah. No, thanks. Never mind. Yup, it's official. My life in Oakdale is over as I know it. I might as well pack my bags and get the hell out of here. Henry: There is no way you are leaving me alone in this burg. Katie: Be smart. Let me go so I don't ruin your life, too. Henry: Hey, your pen is mighty, but I am indestructible. Katie: I could have stopped it, you know. With Simon. There was a moment there, there was a second where I could have remembered what was important to me, but I didn't. Henry: We've all been there. Katie: But I've hurt Mike so much. And now, everyone's going to know how awful I was. And I can't even make an excuse for myself because there are no excuses. Henry: You made a mistake. You made a big mistake. But all is not lost. Katie: Really? Name one person whose life isn't messed up because of me. Henry: Snickers. Katie: Snickers is a rabbit. Autograph hound #1: Ooh, your book changed my life! Katie: My book? Autograph hound #1: Yeah, the way that Katie character follows her heart. I mean, that's me. Okay, that's what I do! Autograph hound #2: It's true, she does. Which is why I want to kill her sometimes. The paper didn't mention anything about a signing, but -- will you? Katie: Oh, I don't know. Henry: Listen, absolutely. She would be happy to do a signing. If you just line up right over here. Oakdale's premiere author will be signing as many books as you care to buy. Katie: Okay, okay, why are you encouraging them to buy the book? Henry: Well, because your fragile little ego needs a boost right now before everything hits the fan. And if you're going to start a new life, then I think your wallet's needs a boost as well, okay? Trust me. That's right! She'll be signing right here. Just line up there single file. Single file, please. Single file. Come on, those are wonderful shoes, by the way. Let's see, anybody else -- that's right, that's right. There you go.
Henry: Okay, ladies and you sir in the back -- we're going to take a little break here. We are going to make sure our star doesn't get carpal tunnel, okay? Just a little break. Katie: I want to go home, Henry. I feel like celebrating this book is saying what I did to Mike was worth it. Henry: This has nothing to do with what you did to Mike. This is about you, the artist, the professional. And people are here to honor that. Katie: You know what -- Henry: If -- if you don't believe me, do you want to buy that, then buy this. For every book that they sold here, that is money in the bank. And you can never have too much that, bubbles, trust me. Katie: All right, when "Oakdale Confidential" first came out, and I was anonymous, it drove me crazy. Sometimes I just -- you know the praise and honor, and the people in line, I would have loved that. I wanted that. I thought it would make me happy. But you know what? Without Mike, it just doesn't mean anything. Henry: I know. Fame -- fame isn't everything, okay? But there are worse things to be left with, Katie. Katie: Like a broken heart? Henry: Come on, kiddo, you're killing me. I know I'm no Mike. We tried that once and it didn't work. But I am your friend. Always. Carly: Well, that's nice. You better stay close to him, Katie. Because after this, you're not going to have a friend in the world.
Henry: Let's all remember that we are in a public place. Carly: Right, and Katie is suddenly interested in discretion? Simon: How could you do this, Katie? Henry: Actually, the book signing was my idea. Simon: Only, no, no, you want to get back at me? You want to hurt me? Go ahead. Give me your best shot. You know, write as many books as it takes to get it out of your system. But why drag Carly into this mess? All right, she's got nothing to do with any of this. Katie: I did not create this situation, Simon. In fact, I warned you that he would ruin your life just like he ruined mine. Carly: Oh, come off it. You're not worried about me. You're jealous. You're jealous because Simon is moving on, and moving on with me. And that's one less person to pay attention to you. So, you certainly fixed that, haven't you? Katie: I'm an author. I'm supposed to give up my life's work just because you have a problem with it? Simon: Oh, come on, come on, writing has gotten nothing to do -- this is not your life's work, this little tell-tale is nothing more than an act of revenge. Katie: Where do you get off judging me after what you've done? Or is jumping from one lover's bed to the next something that you're proud of? Carly: Oh, you're such a hypocrite! Katie: Excuse me? Carly: You're married, Katie. Or have you forgotten about Mike? You know, the guy that you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Katie: Shut up. Carly: Oh, right. Because we're supposed to conveniently forget that you cheated on your husband when you had sex with Simon. Henry: At the risk of being assaulted by everyone present here, have either of you actually read the book? Carly: I wouldn't waste a moment of my time. Henry: Okay, maybe buy a copy, skim it, and that way you can have a well-informed conversation. Carly: Not a chance. Katie: They wanted me to apologize. They have each other and I'm supposed to feel bad? No way. Henry: Sing it, sister! Katie: You know what that was, Henry? That was exactly what I needed. I am so done feeling sorry for myself. Nobody bounces back better than Katie Frasier! Kasnoff! Nobody bounces back better than me. And I'm going to prove it. Let's sign some books! Henry: Hey! Let's sign some books, folks! Single file, please. Single file. Let's step over this way.
Katie: Thanks so much. Henry: You know I'm very proud of you. Katie: Signing my name is the easy part. Henry: I'm talking about the way you handled Simon and Carly. Katie: I thought we didn't want to talk about that. Thank you. Henry: Just a second, you said it was exactly what you needed. Katie: It was. Because it made me see that I wrote this book for myself, as a way to work things out. And I'm not sorry that I wrote it. These people in line aren't sorry that I did. So, I'm not going to apologize to people like Simon and Carly, just so they feel better about themselves at my expense. Henry: Wow! That's my girl. Katie: Thanks. Henry: Listen, yeah. Do you mind if I take off? The other literary agents are meeting at the Lakeview to have a drink. I don't want to be a no-show. Katie: Oh, yeah, enjoy your 10%. Thanks, Henry. Henry: Any time. Katie: Next -- you should I make it out to? Mike: To my ex.
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