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Monday, November 21, 2005
BJ is once again visiting Henry in his new home - the wine cellar. He has just told Henry that Maddie will no longer be a problem. "So, Maddie really believes I'm okay?" asks Henry. "She took the bait like a hungry fish," replies BJ. "What proof did you send her?" asks Henry. "An irresistible little gift from her big brother. You couldn't have convinced her any better in person," smiles BJ confidently. "That's a good idea, B.J. I should convince her in person. I could just tell her that I came back from Palo Alto as if nothing had ever happened. It's not too late," suggests Henry. "Right. And you wouldn't open your mouth to Maddie about where you've been?" asks BJ. "No, why would I upset her like that? You know, with the exception of having my spine realigned by the amazing Amazon, really, how have I suffered?" asks Henry. "And what about Katie, hmm? I've seen you turn to jelly around her. You would just blurt out the truth," says BJ. "Yes, I would just blurt out the truth. I'd tell her that I have been staying in B.J.'S mansion. That's the truth, isn't it? I wouldn't have to go any further than that. Unless you've hurt Mike, and you say you didn't? He really is okay?" asks Henry. "Why do you care?" replies BJ. "Because Katie loves him," says Henry. "How could she love what doesn't exist?" asks BJ philosophically. "Oh. No, you didn't -- no, you couldn't, B.J.," begs Henry. "Given enough provocation? You'd be surprised what a person could do," says BJ.
"Listen to me. Katie loves Mike and she will never forgive you if you hurt him," says Henry. "I haven't hurt him yet, so please save the grief," says BJ tiredly. "Why don't you save the arrogance? All right? Even if you got rid of Mike, do you think that Katie would turn to you?" asks Henry. "Yes, she'll need consoling," answers BJ. "From whom? From the guy who made her pretend it was her high school prom again? I don't think so. I think what she's going to want to do, for the rest of her life, is dress in black and mourn her one true love," says Henry. "Yeah, you may be right. But, you know what, after a brief period of time, she'll wake up one day and she'll realize how much better she would be and how much happier she would be with me. And all the money in the world to distract her from her pain," predicts BJ. "Okay, B.J., Are you saying that A, you're going to get rid of Mike, and then B, you're going to snag Katie, and that C, no one will care if I just disappear into thin air?" asks Henry. "Well -- well, yes. I mean, no one is going to care. Has anyone noticed yet? Hmm? I mean, where are all the throngs clamoring to save you, Henry? I don't see anybody. Not even Mike and Katie, and they're supposed to be your best friends," says BJ cruelly. "Blood is thicker than friendship, B.J. Maddie cares about me," says Henry. "Yeah, well, pretty soon all your little sister is going to care about is the steady stream of gifts and clothes you'll be sending her from your various business trips. Given a few weeks, I'm pretty sure she won't give a damn if you ever come back," smiles BJ. Unbeknownst to him, Maddie did not buy his little trick and is more convinced than ever that Henry is in trouble.
"Oh, I'll need your other shoe," says BJ. "My shoe? What for?" asks Henry. "I'm sending it to Palo Alto this afternoon, along with the one you left in the office," says BJ. "Why go through all that trouble? Why don't you just give me back that other shoe? It does get rather chilly down here," says Henry. "You know, just in case your sister needs some extra convincing, I want to put her suspicions to rest for good. It's okay, you'll get another pair. Yes, you'll need one to go with your dark suit when I finally put you to rest for good," threatens BJ. "No, that's it, that's it, that's it. I am sick to death -- that's a horrible choice of words. I am totally, completely over being intimidated by you. You think you can just get rid of me and pretend I never existed?" Henry demands to know. "Yes, yes. And let's think about that for a minute, okay? What would the world be like if Henry Coleman never existed? Let's see. Have you made any contributions to society, invented anything in your lifetime, done anything for anyone other than yourself, hmm? Can you answer that? Well, I can. The answer's no, no and no. See, from where I'm standing, the world would pretty much spin the same way with or without you, Henry Coleman. Face it, Henry -- This is your life! You're a loser," pronounces BJ. "No hard feelings though, really. I mean, I was there once myself." Olga appears and BJ asks her, "Olga? Can you keep an eye on Henry here and keep him company? I have a feeling he's gonna need it." BJ leaves and Henry says to Olga, "Maybe he's right. Maybe know one would notice if I ceased to exist. Maybe that's why nobody's come for me. Think about it, Olga. You could be the only person in the world who could care whether I live or die. Let's drink to that, huh? To a world without Henry." Henry pulls out a bottle of wine and hands it to Olga, "Well, you have the corkscrew, so you're gonna have to do the honors." All of a sudden he cries out in pain and grabs his back, "Oh! Oh, gosh! Oh! My back!" "Ah! Olga, you're gonna have to help me with this," says Henry. "You have pain?" asks Olga. "No, Olga, I'm checking the floor for my feet. Yes, I have pain! Uh, and since you're the one who caused this, I think you're gonna have to help me out with this," says Henry. "How Olga must help?" she asks. "Get over here. Help me down on the floor," says Henry. "No. I do better idea -- I fix," says Olga, "I am going to crack you!" "Oh, oh! This is how B.J.'s gonna kill me, isn't it?" cries Henry. "Ah, be quiet. Hurt is good. I fix," says Olga. She grabs Henry from behind and jerks him to the left and right, cracking his back. "Ah! Yeah, hurt -- hurt is good. Hurt is good, you're right. Hurt me to the left there, Olga. Oh, oh! How 'bout to the right? And why don't you hurt me forward here. Ah, that's it, Olga. That's it. That's really good. That's really so much better." In the commotion Henry hits Olga over the head. She is momentarily knocked unconscious and Henry head for the door, but not quickly enough. Olga comes to and grabs him. "You should not do that," she says.
Meanwhile, Maddie and Casey have figured out that Henry is BJ wine cellar and have come to investigate. BJ lets them look around, knowing Henry has been removed from the wine cellar. But Maddie finds a clue - a wine bottle with "HELP" written in the dust.
Today’s episode was directed by John O'Connell and written by Judy Tate.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: So, Maddie really believes I'm okay? B.J.: She took the bait like a hungry fish. Henry: What proof did you send her? B.J.: An irresistible little gift from her big brother. You couldn't have convinced her any better in person. Henry: That's a good idea, B.J. I should convince her in person. I could just tell her that I came back from Palo Alto as if nothing had ever happened. It's not too late. B.J.: Right. And you wouldn't open your mouth to Maddie about where you've been? Henry: No, why would I upset her like that? You know, with the exception of having my spine realigned by the amazing Amazon, really, how have I suffered? B.J.: And what about Katie, hmm? I've seen you turn to jelly around her. You would just blurt out the truth. Henry: Yes, I would just blurt out the truth. I'd tell her that I have been staying in B.J.'S mansion. That's the truth, isn't it? I wouldn't have to go any further than that. Unless you've hurt Mike, and you say you didn't? He really is okay? B.J.: Why do you care? Henry: Because Katie loves him. B.J.: How could she love what doesn't exist? Henry: Oh. No, you didn't -- no, you couldn't, B.J. -- B.J.: Given enough provocation? You'd be surprised what a person could do.
Henry: Listen to me. Katie loves Mike and she will never forgive you if you hurt him. B.J.: I haven't hurt him yet, so please save the grief. Henry: Why don't you save the arrogance? All right? Even if you got rid of Mike, do you think that Katie would turn to you? B.J.: Yes, she'll need consoling. Henry: From whom? From the guy who made her pretend it was her high school prom again? I don't think so. I think what she's going to want to do, for the rest of her life, is dress in black and mourn her one true love. B.J.: Yeah, you may be right. But, you know what, after a brief period of time, she'll wake up one day and she'll realize how much better she would be and how much happier she would be with me. And all the money in the world to distract her from her pain. Henry: Okay, B.J., Are you saying that a, you're going to get rid of Mike, and then b, you're going to snag Katie, and that c, no one will care if I just disappear into thin air? B.J.: Well -- well, yes. I mean, no one is going to care. Has anyone noticed yet? Hmm? I mean, where are all the throngs clamoring to save you, Henry? I don't see anybody. Not even Mike and Katie, and they're supposed to be your best friends. Henry: Blood is thicker than friendship, B.J. Maddie cares about me. B.J.: Yeah, well, pretty soon all your little sister is going to care about is the steady stream of gifts and clothes you'll be sending her from your various business trips. Given a few weeks, I'm pretty sure she won't give a damn if you ever come back.
B.J.: Oh, I'll need your other shoe. Henry: My shoe? What for? B.J.: I'm sending it to Palo Alto this afternoon, along with the one you left in the office. Henry: Why go through all that trouble? Why don't you just give me back that other shoe? It does get rather chilly down here. B.J.: You know, just in case your sister needs some extra convincing, I want to put her suspicions to rest for good. It's okay, you'll get another pair. Yes, you'll need one to go with your dark suit when I finally put you to rest for good. Henry: No, that's it, that's it, that's it. I am sick to death -- that's a horrible choice of words. I am totally, completely over being intimidated by you. You think you can just get rid of me and pretend I never existed? B.J.: Yes, yes. And let's think about that for a minute, okay? What would the world be like if Henry Coleman never existed? Let's see. Have you made any contributions to society, invented anything in your lifetime, done anything for anyone other than yourself, hmm? Can you answer that? Well, I can. The answer's no, no and no. See, from where I'm standing, the world would pretty much spin the same way with or without you, Henry Coleman. Face it, Henry -- [ In announcer's voice ] "This is your life!" You're a loser. No hard feelings though, really. I mean, I was there once myself so -- Olga? Can you keep an eye on Henry here and keep him company? I have a feeling he's gonna need it. Henry: Maybe he's right. Maybe know one would notice if I ceased to exist. Maybe that's why nobody's come for me. Think about it, Olga. You could be the only person in the world who could care whether I live or die. Let's drink to that, huh? To a world without Henry. Well, you have the corkscrew, so you're gonna have to do the honors. Oh! Oh, gosh! Oh! My back!
Henry: Ah! Olga, you're gonna have to help me with this. Olga: You have pain? Henry: No, Olga, I'm checking the floor for my feet. Yes, I have pain! Uh, and since you're the one who caused this, I think you're gonna have to help me out with this. Olga: How Olga must help? Henry: Get over here. Help me down on the floor. Olga: No. Henry: What do you mean, no? Olga: No. I do better idea -- I fix. Henry: What do you mean you're gonna fix, Olga? Olga: I am going to crack you! Henry: Oh, oh! This is how B.J.'S gonna kill me, isn't it? Olga: Ah, be quiet. Hurt is good. I fix. Henry: Ah! Yeah, hurt -- hurt is good. Hurt is good, you're right. Hurt me to the left there, Olga. Oh, oh! How 'bout to the right? And why don't you hurt me forward here. Ah, that's it, Olga. That's it. That's really good. That's really so much better. Ah! Oh, sorry 'bout that. Oh, god! Olga: You should not do that.
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