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Thursday, October 15, 2009 Henry is desperate for money and Barbara won't return his phone calls. So he gets his mother to distract Vienna while he goes to talk to his brother Paul, who writes him a check for $10,000. Henry uses that money to try to win more in a poker game. He's caught cheating, and it turns out the game is run by none other than Uncle Ralphie. Meanwhile, Barbara decides to give Henry another chance and sneaks into his hotel room, and into his bed, where Vienna finds her! Today’s episode was directed by Maria Wagner and written by Susan Dansby.
Transcripts from TVMegasite [Vienna sighs] Vienna: What are you doing out of bed? Oh. You're fully dressed. Get those clothes off immediately. Henry: I'd love to, honey, but I don't think -- you haven't recovered yet. Come on. Vienna: Oh, come on. I didn't get killed in the fire. I'm fine! I'm alive! And I want you. Henry: Um, I don't know. Sweetie -- Vienna: Aw. Henry: Um, listen -- [Vienna coughs] Henry: Hey, you okay? Take a deep breath, take a deep breath. Vienna: I'm fine. Henry: You don't sound fine. Vienna: No, no, no. [Coughs] I'm sorry. The doctor said I would have these coughing spells from time to time in the next few days because of the smoke. Henry: Want cough drops or, like, hot tea, or an oxygen tank or something like that? Vienna: Oh, no, no, no. You know what? I think I'll get some water. And you stay here. Don't move. Because we're gonna make love when I get back. Henry: Hmm. Vienna: Okay? Henry: Can hardly wait. [Vienna coughs] [Cell phone rings] Barbara: Henry.
Henry: Barbara, it is Henry with yet another message. I just wanted to tell you that I regret the things I said about you and me. Uh, you are -- you are very, very sexy. You're irresistible. And, um, well, I just -- I want -- I need to see you again. Um, please call me back, okay? Bye. You sure you're all right, sweetheart? Vienna: Yes, I feel fantastic, except for this silly cough. Henry: Well, that is why you you need some rest. Vienna: No, that's why I need you. Okay? It's nothing like a ride in an ambulance to remind you how precious life is. Henry: Yeah, tell me about it. When I heard you were in the hospital, Vienna -- if I ever lose you -- Vienna: Oh. Henry: Sweetie -- [Knock on door] Audrey: Open up! Vienna: Do you think if we ignore her, she'll go away? Henry: I-- Audrey: I am not going away! Henry: Okay, why don't you go to the bathroom, and I will try to get rid of her. Audrey: I just saw Ralph, and he has blood in his eye. So do not try to get rid of me. Henry: Get in here, mother. You're my only hope.
Audrey: Son, I practically wrapped Barbara Ryan up in a little package with a bow on it and handed her to you! Henry: Keep your voice down. Vienna is in the bathroom. Audrey: Okay. Okay, fine. It's very simple. You make the lady happy, she releases the inheritance. So just make the lady happy. Henry: I can't. Audrey: Fine. You're on your own. Henry: Would you listen? Listen. Barbara slammed the door in my face! She's not returning my calls! Audrey: That is not my problem! Henry: What are you talking about? I am trying to -- I am trying to save our lives here. The least you can do -- Audrey: That is your life. Ralph is trying to kill you. Not me! Henry: Yeah, well, first, he started off trying to burn down the diner and almost killed Vienna. He may go after body parts next. You know? Audrey: Uh-huh. That'd be your body parts, not mine. Henry: Or, my beloved mother, yours. Maybe he'll start with a finger. Or maybe he'll cut off all your hair. Hmm. Audrey: Oh, no. No, no, no. No, no, not my hair. I like my hair. Henry: Well -- well, there's no telling to what depths this man may go. Audrey: All right, all right. So, if I decide to help you, what do you want me to do? Henry: I want you to distract Vienna so I can get my hands on the money. Audrey: Fine. But if he hurts one little hair on my head -- Henry: Do -- Audrey: Okay, okay. Vienna! Vienna, hey, um, could you come out here? Hi. Vienna: Audrey. How are you? Audrey: Um, I'm good, but that's not what is important. What's important is, how are you? I am worried sick about you! Look at you. I mean, you're -- pale. Sexy, but pale. Vienna: Audrey, I'm fine. I'm fine. Audrey: Really? Well, I thought I heard you coughing. And you know, that hacking, it could lead to double pneumonia. So I really think maybe you should get dressed, and I'm gonna personally take you to the hospital. Henry: Uh -- Vienna: Yeah, no, that's not necessary. I'm spending the day in bed. With my Henry.
Henry: Maybe, for once, mom is right. Maybe you should go get this x-ray. Vienna: No, I really don't want to go! I want to stay here with you, Henry! I just want to stay here! Henry: I know, I know. But if something happened to you, I could never forgive myself. Vienna: Okay, fine. You can take me to the hospital at least we'll be together. Henry: Oh, I'd -- I'd love to, pumpkin, but I agreed to meet with another charity to make some more donations, and I might even do some volunteer work. Vienna: Oh, you did? Henry: Yeah. Vienna: Oh, that's so generous of you! Henry: Well, altruism is my middle name. So, uh, so, you'll agree to go get an x-ray with my mom? Vienna: Yes. Anything for you, my unselfish love.
Henry: Brother Paul! Hey, how's it going? Where's the wife? Paul: She's out. Henry: Ah. Paul: What are you doing here, Henry? Henry: Well, I got tickets to the bears game, and I thought that you and I, we could go together and, uh, tailgate. Paul: You do a lot of tailgating, Henry? Henry: Have you? Paul: Yeah, a little bit. Henry: Well, then that's great! You can show me how it's done! Come on, this will be great! We can bond, we can make up for lost time. Paul: Is my mother making it hard for you to keep Stenbeck's money? Is that what's happened? Is that why you're kissing up to me? Henry: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we can talk about that at the game. Come on. Paul: No. I told my mother I don't want to talk about it with her, just, like, a few minutes ago, and the same goes for you. Henry: All right. Paul, listen, I'm in a real bind here, okay? I need that money. I need all of that money. I need it now.
Paul: I have something else that I really need to concentrate on right now. Henry: I know, Paul. This won't take long at all. I just -- I just need you to convince your mother to back off and remove the injunction so I can get all the inheritance. That's it. Paul: Yeah, that's it. You know, Henry, getting my mother to change her mind about anything requires more energy than I can spare right now. But, because you're my brother, I, uh -- I can do this. Henry: $10,000. Wow. Paul: Hope it helps. Henry: Yeah. Paul: Go, bears!
[Cell phone ringing] Henry: Oh, my goodness. Not now, mother. Audrey: Listen to me. You have got to get yourself back to the hotel. Barbara is on her way over there. I just talked to her. I got her primed, and now you got to get her motor running. Henry: No, I don't. Audrey: Don't you want to get that injunction removed? Henry: Listen, I have got another plan to get Ralph off my back, and it doesn't involve cheating on Vienna. Audrey: What? Where in the world would you get that kind of money? Gambling?! I bet gambling -- Henry, that is a terrible idea. It doesn't work. Henry: Just listen to me. I've got a nice little stake and a nice little winning streak going. I don't need Barbara. Audrey: Please bite your tongue. I am handing you a sure thing! Just go to bed with Barbara! Player: Hey, Coleman, you in or out? Audrey: Don't you dare hang up on me, Henry! Henry: I'm in.
Henry: Well, gentlemen, I am all-in. Player #2: Confident man. Henry: With the cards to back it up. Player #3: I'm out. Player #1: Me, too. Player #2: I'll call you. Can you beat a full house? Henry: Well, you know, that's interesting. Whoa! Oh! Goodness! How clumsy of me, guys. I am so sorry. That -- Player #3: Trying to cheat us? That could get you killed.
Henry: Oh, hey, hey! Can we talk about this?! Player #2: Yeah, how do you want to die? Fast or slow? Henry: Are those my only two options? Ralph: Let him go! Player #1: He was cheating, boss. Henry: Boss? Oh, man, these guys work for you? Hey, listen, I can explain. Ralph: Do I need to repeat myself? Get out of here! I got this! Henry: Hey, Ralph, look, I was just trying to -- Ralph: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were trying to get money that you don't have, and you were being stupid about it at the same time. Henry, didn't I warn you about letting me down?
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