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Thursday, October 13, 2005 Henry and Maddie check out BJ's new digs (the creepy Fairwinds), and Maddie imagines the way things should be.
"Wow. So this is the place that B.J., A.K.A. Byron, A.K.A. Geek man, just bought, huh?" asks Maddie as she and Henry saunter into the Fairwinds living room. "You are in the presence of immense wealth. Show some respect, hmm?" says Henry. "Bet I could fit my room at the Hughes' right in one of those closets over there. So when does he move in?" asks Maddie. "When the renovations are done," answers Henry. "What renovations?" asks Maddie. "I don't know, maybe he wants to put big wall-screen TVs everywhere so he can watch Katie busting butts from every place in the house," jokes Henry. "You were the one that told me that he's not obsessed with her anymore," says Maddie. "I'm just giving the man the benefit of the doubt. So, why don't you pick out a room?" smiles Henry. "What do you mean?" asks Maddie. "I mean a room that you would like. I'm serious. I'm in B.J.'S good graces for the moment. He seems to like me. So I play my cards right, maybe we can wangle a wing for the help, i.e. You and me," says Henry, as they do their secret high-five. "Money is getting to your head, bro," smiles Maddie. Henry walks away and Maddie walks further into the room, where she almost trips over Mike lying unconscious on the floor. "Henry! Henry, come quick!" she calls.
"Mike? Hey, Mike, can you hear me? It's me, Henry. Hey, hey, come on, big guy. Come on, come on, come on, open your eyes. Let me know you're all right. Come on," says Henry, slapping Mike's face, trying to wake him up. "Oh, my god, he's dead!" cries Maddie dramatically. "He wouldn't be breathing if he was dead, Maddie. He wouldn't be -- he wouldn't be moaning either. Or opening his eyes! That's it! Oh, be careful! Oh, that's it, big guy!" encourages Henry. "What happened?" asks Mike groggily. "That's what we'd like to know. Maddie came in here, found you laid out on the ground. What's going on?" asks Henry. "Did you just slap me?" asks Mike. "Yeah -- I was trying to save your life though," says Henry. "I don't think you should move. You could have internal injuries," advises Maddie. "Oh, no, the only thing that hurts is my head, and my face," says Mike. "I wouldn't be too sure. I had a first aid class last summer, and they said..." "Maddie, I'm okay," insists Mike. "Fine. Excuse me for caring," huffs Maddie, walking away. "Listen, do you think you could stand up? Easily?" asks Henry. "Think so," says Mike, as Henry helps him to his feet. Mike insists he's OK, and Henry asks him again what happened. "I guess that beam decided it didn't like me," says Mike. "Oh, maybe it's because you're trespassing," suggests Henry. "Mike: No, I'm not, but aren't you?" asks Mike. "No, B.J. Bought the place," says Henry, and Mike says he knows. "He wanted me to come around here and check up on the renovations -- what do you mean you know?" asks Henry. "I'm the guy doing the renovations," says Mike. "Why would he ask you to do..." asks Maddie. "Why don't you can it, Sherlock, all right?" Henry says to Maddie. "Hey, that's great. This guy is hiring you left and right," he says to Mike. "Yeah, I think he's just doing it to impress Katie, but you know, I'm not gonna turn down a monster paycheck," says Mike. "So what, the beam just fell and knocked you out or -- ?" wonders Maddie. "It looked kind of funky, so I went to check it out, and it just fell and hit me," reports Mike. "Wow, you are -- you are lucky, my man. I tell you, three inches to the left and you would have been..." "Dead," Maddie finishes Henry's sentence. "No, it's gonna take a lot more than a beam falling on me to get me out of the picture. All right, you know what? I'm just gonna go clean up a little bit," says Mike. "Yeah, sure. You want -- you want any help there?" asks Henry. "No, I'm okay. I'm all right. Oh, man. Henry?" says Mike, putting his hand over his eyes. "Yeah, Mike, yeah?" asks Henry, concerned. "Everything's black. I..." he stammers. "Really?" asks Maddie. "No," says Mike, laughing, "Seriously, I'm okay, man. Thank you guys for showing up when you did." Mike leaves the room and Maddie says, "See? B.J. Is crazy. I knew it!" "What are you talking about?" asks Henry. "It's obvious. He just tried to murder your old pal Mike," says Maddie.
"You cannot be serious," says Henry. "I am as serious as a heart attack. Come on, it makes sense. B.J. Wants Mike out of the picture so he can just zoom in on Katie without any competition. That's why he hired the guy to renovate his house. You know, he loosens a few things here, jiggles things over here -- boom. Contractor bites the dust. Mike got lucky. This time," theorizes Maddie. "Stop, stop, stop it, stop it. The guy -- B.J. Is a computer nerd, okay? He is a nobody who found a way to buy himself an interesting personality. He is not a killer, Maddie," insists Henry. "How do you know? You've had five whole conversations with the guy," says Maddie. "And he seemed perfectly normal in every single one of them," says Henry. "Yeah, Ted Bundy was the guy next door. But you know what, something is weird here," says Maddie. "Not as weird as you think it is. I'm not gonna talk about this any more, okay? It is just ridiculous," says Henry. BJ walks in and asks, "What's ridiculous?" "B.J. Hello. You been there long?" asks Henry worriedly. "Just walked in," smiles BJ. "Maddie was just telling me that we should tell Mike to redo the whole place in a sort of 80s black and white, you know, maybe with a chrome motif. And I told her that is -- that's just ridiculous," lies Henry. "Henry has no vision. No vision," says Maddie. "I can't quite envision that, either. What happened here?" asks BJ, seeing the mess. "Bad news, B.J. Rotting beams in the structural woodwork," says Mike, who has just returned. "Aw, you're kidding. Termites, you think?" asks BJ. "Could be. I'd call an exterminator in here to get him to check it out. You should've done that before you bought the house," says Mike. "Yeah, I know, I know. I tend to be a little impatient sometimes," smiles BJ. "It wasn't just a beam falling. It fell down and hit Mike and knocked him out cold," reports Henry. "What? Are you okay?" asks BJ. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about it," says Mike. "You sure? Let me take you to the ER," offers BJ. Mike insists it's not necessary. "Do you know how many people die of undiagnosed concussions?" asks Maddie. "No. Do you?" replies Mike. "No. But I'm betting it's a lot," says Maddie. "You know what, just make an appointment with a doctor, okay? Just to be safe. I can't afford to lose my star contractor right now. I got too much riding on you," says BJ. "All right, I'll do it right now. I gotta check my messages, anyway," says Mike, going into the hallway to make the call. Maddie decides to look around a little more, and Henry cautions her to stay out of trouble. "It's a terrible accident, huh?" says Henry. "Yeah. I can't believe the wood's rotting," agrees BJ. "Were you here earlier today, by any chance?" asks Henry. "Yeah, Mike and I toured the place, then I left him here to take some notes. Why?" asks BJ. "No reason. This is the first you're hearing of any killer beams, is it?" asks Henry suspiciously. "I'm not quite sure I like where you're going with this, Henry," says BJ. "I'm not going anywhere, B.J.," says Henry innocently. "Well, good. Because, if you're going to accuse me of something, I hope you have the guts to just come right out and say it," says BJ.
Meanwhile, Maddie has another one of her daydreams while exploring Fairwinds. Mike is strutting around the living room with his tool belt to the tune of "Peter Gunn." While he's not looking, BJ swaps out his drill, and when Mike plugs it in he receives a strong electrical shock. Katie runs in wearing a frilly white dress with a bow in her hair. "Mike? Mike, what was that terrible crash? Are you okay?" she asks frantically. "Yeah. I was starting to plug the power drill and I got clobbered by 1,000 volts. There must be a short in the wiring," says Mike. "Great. First, you almost get killed by a falling beam, and now you're electrocuted. It is time to quit this job," decides Katie. Mike tells her to call 911, and Katie asks if he needs an ambulance. "Did I say I needed an ambulance?" says Mike. "You said it was an emergency," says Katie. "Yes. It's a fashion emergency. What are you wearing?" asks Mike. "Oh, it's for a Halloween photo spread for my new show, to publicize it. Do you like it?" smiles Katie, "Oh, I mean, sorry, enough about me. Let's get you to the hospital," says Katie, helping him to his feet.
BJ appears and Katie says, "Oh, B.J., Thank god you're here. Mike has suffered a terrible shock." "Can you blame him? You look like little bo p-p-p-peep," stutters BJ. "Not that kind of shock. The electrical kind. We have to get him to the hospital," insists Katie. "I'm sorry, Katie. But I'm afraid that won't be possible," says BJ, grabbing Mike and holding a knife to his throat. "B.J., What are you doing?" asks Katie, horrified. "I tried to make it look like an accident, but I guess I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands," says BJ calmly, "If you have any problem with the sight of blood, you might want to leave the room." "Did you say blood?" asks Mike, as he faints and falls on the couch. "No, Mike! He fainted," cries Katie. "Fainted? Then you're coming with me," says BJ, grabbing her arm. "No, no! No! Help!" cries Katie, helplessly pummeling his chest as he leads her away. Henry, dressed as Clark Kent, appears and asks, "What's going on?" "Help, I'm being kidnapped!" cries Katie. "Oh, no, you're not. Unhand that woman!" says Henry, taking off his jacket and glasses and ripping open his shirt to reveal a large H as the theme from Superman plays.
"Get out of my way!" says BJ. Henry hits him over the head with a hammer and BJ says, "Curses, foiled again," as he falls to the floor. "My hero. Henry, you saved the day!" smiles Katie. "Don't thank me. My little sister, Maddie, knew B.J. Was up to no good. She's the one to whom we should be grateful," says Henry. "That Maddie, she is the greatest," says Katie as they both grin for the camera.
Back in the real world, BJ hangs up from a phone call and asks Henry, "So, have you figured out how I did it?" "B.J., I never meant to imply that you had anything to do with Mike's accident," apologizes Henry. "I know what you're thinking. I came to win Katie's heart, and Mike's in the way, ergo, the most logical solution would be to negate him from the equation," says BJ. "You can see how someone would jump to that conclusion. But since you are my brand new meal ticket, don't you think that it would be foolish of me to throw such an accusation at you?" asks Henry. "Yes. It would be very foolish," laughs BJ. Henry asks what's so funny, and BJ answers, "What do you mean what's so funny? You. Me. This whole conversation. It's ridiculous. I don't go around murdering people, Henry. Especially people like Mike Kasnoff. It's harder to find a good contractor than it is a beautiful blonde these days. Trust me, I have my priorities straight." "I had you going, though, didn't I?" laughs Henry. "Yes, you did. Yeah. You did, indeed," smiles BJ.
In her wanderings Maddie has run into Mike and is attempting to warn him about BJ. "Look, I know that I am just a kid and nobody believes kids, which is just really stupid, because..." "Maddie, get to the point," says Mike shortly. "Okay. It's just -- B.J. Is not who he seems," says Maddie mysteriously. "Well, neither are you," counters Mike. "What is that supposed to mean?" asks Maddie, offended. "Well, on the outside, you look like a nice, normal teenager," says Mike. "Please, there's no such thing," says Maddie. "You know what, I don't care what you think about B.J. I'm tired of you meddling in my life, meddling in Katie's life, okay? So just go be a kid. Go play in traffic," says Mike. Henry finds them and asks what Maddie did now. "Nothing. I didn't do anything," insists Maddie. "No, everything's fine," agrees Mike. "Well, that's good to hear. Henry, me and Mike are gonna go over renovations so you can have the rest of the day off. Go where you need to go," says BJ. "Great. I am starving," says Maddie. "You're always starving," laughs Henry. "I'm always growing," smiles Maddie. "Let's get out of here before a beam lands on us, huh?" suggests Henry. They say their goodbyes and leave Mike and BJ alone to discuss the renovations. Today’s episode was directed by Jennifer Pepperman and written by Josh Griffith.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Maddie: Wow. So this is the place that B.J., A.K.A. Byron, A.K.A. Geek man, just bought, huh? Henry: You are in the presence of immense wealth. Show some respect, hmm? Maddie: Bet I could fit my room at the Hughes' right in one of those closets over there. So when does he move in? Henry: When the renovations are done. Maddie: What renovations? Henry: I don't know, maybe he wants to put big wall-screen TVs everywhere so he can watch Katie busting butts from every place in the house. Maddie: You were the one that told me that he's not obsessed with her anymore. Henry: I'm just giving the man the benefit of the doubt. So, why don't you pick out a room? Maddie: What do you mean? Henry: I mean a room that you would like. I'm serious. I'm in B.J.'S good graces for the moment. He seems to like me. So I play my cards right, maybe we can wangle a wing for the help, I.E. You and me. Maddie: Money is getting to your head, bro. Henry: Eh. Maddie: You know what? I like it, I do. Oof! Henry! Henry, come quick!
Henry: Mike? Hey, Mike, can you hear me? It's me, Henry. Hey, hey, come on, big guy. Come on, come on, come on, open your eyes. Let me know you're all right. Come on. Maddie: Oh, my god, he's dead! Henry: He wouldn't be breathing if he was dead, Maddie. [ Mike groans ] He wouldn't be -- he wouldn't be moaning either. Or opening his eyes! That's it! Oh, be careful! Oh, that's it, big guy! Mike: What happened? Henry: That's what we'd like to know. Maddie came in here, found you laid out on the ground. What's going on? Mike: Did you just slap me? Henry: Yeah -- I was trying to save your life though. Mike: Oh, thanks. Maddie: I don't think you should move. You could have internal injuries. Henry: Right. Mike: Oh, no, the only thing that hurts is my head, and my face. Maddie: I wouldn't be too sure. I had a first aid class last summer, and they said -- Mike: Maddie, I'm okay. Maddie: Fine. Excuse me for caring. Henry: Listen, do you think you could stand up? Easily? Mike: Think so. Henry: There. Oh! That's it. Mike: I'm all right. Henry: Yeah? What happened? Mike: I guess that beam decided it didn't like me. Henry: Oh, maybe it's because you're trespassing. Mike: No, I'm not, but aren't you? Henry: No, B.J. Bought the place. Mike: I know. Henry: He wanted me to come around here and check up on the renovations -- what do you mean you know? Mike: I'm the guy doing the renovations. Maddie: Why would he ask you to do -- ? Henry: Why don't you can it, Sherlock, all right? Hey, that's great. This guy is hiring you left and right. Mike: Yeah, I think he's just doing it to impress Katie, but you know, I'm not gonna turn down a monster paycheck. Henry: No, no, no. Who would? Maddie: So what, the beam just fell and knocked you out or -- ? Mike: It looked kind of funky, so I went to check it out, and it just fell and hit me. Henry: Wow, you are -- you are lucky, my man. I tell you, three inches to the left and you would have been -- Maddie: -- Dead. Mike: No, it's gonna take a lot more than a beam falling on me to get me out of the picture. All right, you know what? I'm just gonna go clean up a little bit. Henry: Yeah, sure. You want -- you want any help there? Mike: No, I'm okay. I'm all right. Oh, man. Henry? Henry: Yeah, Mike, yeah? Mike: Everything's black. I -- Maddie: Really? Mike: No. [ Mike laughs ] Seriously, I'm okay, man. Thank you guys for showing up when you did. Maddie: See? Henry: What? Maddie: B.J. Is crazy. I knew it. Henry: What are you talking about? Maddie: It's obvious. He just tried to murder your old pal Mike.
Henry: You cannot be serious. Maddie: I am as serious as a heart attack. Come on, it makes sense. B.J. Wants Mike out of the picture so he can just zoom in on Katie without any competition. That's why he hired the guy to renovate his house. You know, he loosens a few things here, jiggles things over here -- boom. Contractor bites the dust. Mike got lucky. This time. Henry: Stop, stop, stop it, stop it. The guy -- B.J. Is a computer nerd, okay? He is a nobody who found a way to buy himself an interesting personality. He is not a killer, Maddie. Maddie: How do you know? You've had five whole conversations with the guy. Henry: And he seemed perfectly normal in every single one of them. Maddie: Yeah, Ted Bundy was the guy next door. But you know what, something is weird here. Henry: Not as weird as you think it is. I'm not gonna talk about this any more, okay? It is just ridiculous. B.J.: What's ridiculous? Henry: B.J.. hello. Maddie: Hi. Henry: You been there long? B.J.: Just walked in. Henry: Maddie was just telling me that we should tell Mike to redo the whole place in a sort of 80s black and white, you know, maybe with a chrome motif. And I told her that is -- that's just ridiculous. Maddie: Henry has no vision. No vision. B.J.: I can't quite envision that, either. What happened here? Mike: Bad news, B.J. Rotting beams in the structural woodwork. B.J.: Aw, you're kidding. Termites, you think? Mike: Could be. I'd call an exterminator in here to get him to check it out. You should've done that before you bought the house. B.J.: Yeah, I know, I know. I tend to be a little impatient sometimes. Henry: It wasn't just a beam falling. It fell down and hit Mike and knocked him out cold. B.J.: What? Are you okay? Mike: Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about it. B.J.: You sure? Let me take you to the ER. Mike: No, no, no, it's not necessary. Maddie: Do you know how many people die of undiagnosed concussions? Mike: No. Do you? Maddie: No. But I'm betting it's a lot. B.J.: You know what, just make an appointment with a doctor, okay? Just to be safe. I can't afford to lose my star contractor right now. I got too much riding on you. Mike: All right, I'll do it right now. I gotta check my messages, anyway. Maddie: I'm gonna keep looking around, okay? Henry: Stay out of trouble. Maddie: Mm-hmm. Henry: It's a terrible accident, huh? B.J.: Yeah. I can't believe the wood's rotting. Henry: Were you here earlier today, by any chance? B.J.: Yeah, Mike and I toured the place, then I left him here to take some notes. Why? Henry: No reason. This is the first you're hearing of any killer beams, is it? B.J.: I'm not quite sure I like where you're going with this, Henry. Henry: I'm not going anywhere, B.J. B.J.: Well, good. Because, if you're going to accuse me of something, I hope you have the guts to just come right out and say it.
[ Maddie imagining ] [ Blues brothers theme plays ] Katie: Mike? Mike, what was that terrible crash? Are you okay? Mike: Yeah. I was starting to plug the power drill and I got clobbered by 1,000 volts. There must be a short in the wiring. Katie: Great. First, you almost get killed by a falling beam, and now you're electrocuted. It is time to quit this job. Mike: Call 911. Katie: You need an lance? Mike: Did I say I needed an ambulance? Katie: You said it was an emergency. Mike: Yes. It's a fashion emergency. What are you wearing? Katie: Oh, it's for a Halloween photo spread for my new show, to publicize it. Do you like it? Oh, I mean, sorry, enough about me. Let's get you to the hospital. Mike: Okay. Katie: Oh, B.J., Thank god you're here. Mike has suffered a terrible shock. B.J.: Can you blame him? You look like little bo p-p-p-peep. Katie: Not that kind of shock. The electrical kind. We have to get him to the hospital. B.J.: I'm sorry, Katie. But I'm afraid that won't be possible. Katie: B.J., What are you doing? B.J.: I tried to make it look like an accident, but I guess I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands. Katie: No! B.J.: If you have any problem with the sight of blood, you might want to leave the room. Mike: Did you say blood? Katie: No, Mike! He fainted. B.J.: Fainted? Then you're coming with me. Katie: No, no! No! Help. Henry: What's going on? Katie: Help, I'm being kidnapped! Henry: Oh, no, you're not. Unhand that woman! [ Superman theme plays ] B.J.: Get out of my way. Curses, foiled again. Katie: My hero. Henry, you saved the day. Henry: Don't thank me. My little sister, Maddie, knew B.J. Was up to no good. She's the one to whom we should be grateful. Katie: That Maddie, she is the greatest.
B.J.: Okay. Okay, thank you. Yes, you, too. Have a good day. So, have you figured out how I did it? Henry: B.J., I never meant to imply that you had anything to do with Mike's accident. B.J.: I know what you're thinking. I came to win Katie's heart, and Mike's in the way, ergo, the most logical solution would be to negate him from the equation. Henry: You can see how someone would jump to that conclusion. But since you are my brand new meal ticket, don't you think that it would be foolish of me to throw such an accusation at you? B.J.: Yes. It would be very foolish. [ B.J. Laughs ] Henry: What's so funny? B.J.: What do you mean what's so funny? You. Me. This whole conversation. It's ridiculous. I don't go around murdering people, Henry. Especially people like Mike Kasnoff. It's harder to find a good contractor than it is a beautiful blonde these days. Trust me, I have my priorities straight. [ Henry laughs ] Henry: I had you going, though, didn't I? Oh! B.J.: Yes, you did. Yeah. You did, indeed.
Maddie: Look, I know that I am just a kid and nobody believes kids, which is just really stupid, because -- Mike: Maddie, get to the point. Maddie: Okay. It's just -- B.J. Is not who he seems. Mike: Well, neither are you. Maddie: What is that supposed to mean? Mike: Well, on the outside, you look like a nice, normal teenager. Maddie: Please, there's no such thing. Mike: You know what, I don't care what you think about B.J. I'm tired of you meddling in my life, meddling in Katie's life, okay? So just go be a kid. Go play in traffic. Henry: What did she do now? Maddie: Nothing. I didn't do anything. Mike: No, everything's fine. B.J.: Well, that's good to hear. Henry, me and Mike are gonna go over renovations so you can have the rest of the day off. Go where you need to go. Maddie: Great. I am starving. Henry: You're always starving. Maddie: I'm always growing. Henry: Let's get out of here before a beam lands on us, huh? Maddie: Okay. Henry: All right. Mike, B.J. B.J.: So, you talked to a doctor? Mike: Yeah. Yeah, he said there's nothing to worry about. You're the one who should be worrying. There's a lot more work to this place than we thought. B.J.: Yeah. So, you think you can still handle this and the WOAK job? Mike: I can, but Katie's not going to be very happy about it. I see a lot of late nights here for a few months. B.J.: Well, don't worry about that. With the new show, she's going to be working just as hard as you. Guarantee it.
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