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Thursday, October 9, 2003 On today's show, Henry shows up on Carly's doorstep to thank her for paying his fine, and ends up babysitting Sage. Rosanna is panicking on her first full day of being a mother to "adopted" baby Cabot. She calls Carly and begs for help. Carly tells her she is unable to help because she's taking care of her own baby. Just then the doorbell rings; it's Henry with a bouquet of flowers. "The only thing you've ever given me is a headache, so what's with the flowers?" asks Carly suspiciously. Henry tells her it's to thank her for paying his fine and getting him out of jail. Carly takes the flowers and realizes there's a tag on them that says, "ask about our flavored coffees." Carly accuses Henry of stealing the flowers from the Lakeview. "No, I borrowed them, there's a very fine distinction," corrects Henry. Carly tells him if he keeps doing things like that, he'll keep needing people to bail him out of jail. But she is grateful to him for saving Sage, she can't believe how Sage got a hold of that eraser. "That's the thing about kids, one day they're lying on the bed, the next day they're rolling off the bed," says Henry philosophically. Carly asks him how he knows so much about kids, and he reminds her that he's the eldest of eight. "I'm surprised, I'm surprised after having one your Mom didn't stop right there. What was she thinking?" teases Carly. "She wasn't thinking, she was weighing the odds. You know, this horse, that horse. Mater had a bit of a gambling problem," explains Henry. "She hung out at the track?" asks Carly. "All day, every day. If you're a thoroughbred you get her attention, but if you're just some mutt on two legs... you know," says Henry. Carly says she's sorry, but Henry tells her not to be. "It made me the man I am today. I could have opened a day care center by the age of six!" says Henry. The phone rings, it's Rosanna again. Carly tells her she still hasn't found a sitter. She spies Henry and tells Rosanna she'll call her right back. Seeing what's coming, Henry tries to make an excuse to leave. "I'm very busy, my dental floss came unrolled and I have to put it back on the spool." "Nice try," says Carly. "But I've thought of a better way you can express your gratitude." "Don't look at me like that!" says Henry nervously, running to the door. "Like what?" asks Carly innocently. "Like I'm the answer to some hideous prayer. I'm not staying here to change diapers," says Henry. Carly assures him that Sage is dry. "In addition to the dental floss, I also need to defrost my freezer," says Henry. Carly reminds him that he came there in gratitude. "Gratitude is overrated," says Henry. Carly says she just hopes she doesn't have to tell Hal about the flowers he stole. Henry reaches to take the flowers back but Carly says, "No touching Exhibit A!" Henry reluctantly agrees to baby-sit Sage. Carly tells him that Sage should be happy and mellow while she's gone, and if not, he can give her a bottle. "But don't..." she begins. "Put the bottle in the microwave, because the bag might burst and burn the baby," finishes Henry. "You're just a little bit marvelous!" gushes Carly. "As long as I'm here, I aim to please," says Henry. Carly tells him where all the relevant phone numbers are, including Jack's. Suddenly Henry remembers that Jack hates him, and will go nuts if he finds him there with Sage! Carly says not to worry about that, the only thing he needs to worry about is if something happens to her daughter. "Because if that happens, I'll choke the life out of you with my bare hands," she says sweetly and leaves. Henry asks Sage if she talks to all the sitters like that. He takes off his jacket and settles into a chair, dreaming about the Rocky Road ice cream in the freezer. Sage begins to fuss and Henry picks her up. "You know what they say, the beginning of every relationship is a good meal." He takes her into the kitchen to heat up her bottle. Henry is wearing an apron, dancing with Sage. Jack comes in and sees them. When he has recovered from the shock, he asks Henry where Carly is. Henry tells him she's not here. "You have approximately five seconds to put my daughter down and get out of my house!" orders Jack. Henry tells him he can't, he's the babysitter. Jack mutters that Carly is going to have a lot of explaining to do when she gets home. Jack is now holding Sage. Henry takes off his apron and explains that Carly was in a bind, "And I appear, like manna from heaven, and naturally she gave me the job." "Natural? You watching my child is the most unnatural thing I can think of," says Jack angrily. "That's hurtful. What do you think I am, some kind of baby snatcher?" asks Henry. "You left that off your resume, you were too busy being a con man and a two bit thief," accuses Jack. "There's no reason to get personal," says Henry. "If I ever catch you in my home with my child again..." threatens Jack as he pushes Henry towards the door. "Sage and I are buddies," Henry assures him. "Do you know how brilliant she is? She gets all of my jokes, even the ones I don't get. And oh, what a dancer! She actually lets a man lead. Her verbal skills are incredible, she learned to say my name in French, Onri!" "Too bad she's a lousy judge of character," says Jack to Henry, who is now standing just outside the open door. "That's why Daddy is here, to protect you from unsavory characters." "If you protect her too much, Jack, you'll take all the fun out of being a kid," says Henry wisely. Today’s episode was directed by Michael Eilbaum and written by Meg Kelly.
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