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Thursday, August 20, 2009 The family reunion continues, as Henry and Paul are introduced as brothers. Neither one of them seems too happy about it. James pays off Audrey's debt, and Henry decides to give James a chance in exchange for getting his hands on the Stenbeck fortune. But Barbara isn't about to let her son miss out on any of his inheritance! Today’s episode was directed by Brian Mertes and written by Leslie Nipkow.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Barbara: What is going on here, James, and what are you doing with these people? Paul: And why did you call Henry my brother? Henry: You know what? Believe me, I don't like it, either. Paul: You know about this? Henry: Yes, unfortunately, I do. I'm just -- I'm hoping it's not true. Audrey: Bite your tongue, son. Emily: Would somebody please explain to me what's going on? Audrey: Well -- Emily: And why are you not dead? James: Everybody asks me that. Paul: Hope springs eternal. James: But -- but look, Emily, I'm -- I'm the luckiest, uh, man in the world. Here I am, the picture of the modern American family. My wife, my mistress, my sons and their mistresses. Vienna: I beg your pardon? James: Look, look, what more could a man want, surrounded by family? How lucky can one be?
Paul: This is insanity. Let's get out of here. Henry: I agree. Let's go. Vienna: Well, this is our room. Henry: Oh, yeah. In that case, mother? Audrey: It's on its way. Bubbly. Henry: No, no. The party is over, okay? Would you please roll your undead, psycho boyfriend out of my -- I'm asking nicely. Paul: You know what? Let's just give him a hand. James: Hey, hey, hey. Boys, boys, boys, let's try to get along here. Paul: I hate you. Henry: I hate you, too. You tried to kill me. Vienna: Yeah, me, too. I think you're a monster. James: Maybe I was a monster, but now I'm dying. Paul: For real this time, or is this temporary, also? James: Paul, I want a peaceful end. Barbara: Peaceful is not your style, James. So let's just cut the act, okay? Tell us what you really want. James: I want my family around me during my last days. Now, Barbara, I have money. I won't be a burden to anyone. I want to get to know my sons before I die and put an end to all of this hostility. Barbara: You have tortured Paul his entire life. You can't expect him to just shower you with affection now that you're in a wheelchair. Henry: Yeah, and -- and this whole insta-dad thing -- it's not working for me, either. Emily: Oh, for pete's sake! What is this really about? James, you think if you pretend to be a nice guy for the next few months of your life before you die, god's gonna let you into heaven? Because the god I know has a really long-term memory, and he knows how to hold a grudge. James: Some god you got there, Emily. I've lived my life my way, and I'm gonna end my life my way. It will be to your advantage, boys, to meet me halfway on this. Make the effort, and everyone gets his just rewards.
Barbara: All right. That piece of paper is meaningless, because everyone in this room knows how to fake a DNA test. James: I'll be glad to take another. Henry: What's the point? You'll just fake it again. Emily: Okay, I -- I know I'm not family here, but just for sake of argument, why would he fake it? I mean, no offense, Henry. You're a really nice guy and everything. But, I mean, James has all the money. Why -- what would he get out of this? Vienna: Well, anyone would be lucky to have Henry for a son. Audrey: Yes. I mean, he may be a pain, but I love him like my own. Henry: I am your own, mother. Audrey: Whatever! The point is, is that you two are brothers, and there's nothing you can do about it, like it or not. Paul: I don't like it. Henry: You're no prize either, okay? James: Boys, boys, don't fight. Now, listen, you're both the product of my loins and the future of the Stenbeck dynasty, which comes with responsibilities and with benefits. Barbara: Okay, let's stop beating around the bush, James. This is obviously part of some scheme that you came up with while you were in purgatory, waiting to rise from the dead again, and it seems that everyone in this room knows how you operate. So let's cut to the chase. What are you really after? James: I want to put my affairs in order, Barbara. Barbara: Which is code for what? Paul: It doesn't matter. You know what? It's just a bait and switch! The last time he died, he left all his money to Dusty Donovan. James: Not all of it. I still control a sizable fortune. Paul: Okay. How are you gonna figure out who gets it this time? Are we supposed to have an all-or-nothing staring contest? What do you say, brother? You game? Henry: Unfortunately, always. Paul: You know what? I'm not. I don't care how much money you have socked away offshore. I'm not interested. Let's go. James: And then there was one.
[ Audrey gasps ] Jay: Hello, Audrey. Audrey: Oh, I have a stalker! Jay: A stalker? Really? That's good. That's good. Actually, I've come to collect. Henry: I'm starting to feel nostalgic for the days when I thought my mother was just a serial killer. Jay: Yeah, actually, that was pretty humorous. Vienna: Yeah, no, no, not really. Jay: So, uh -- is this your old boyfriend who's gonna front me the money that you owe me? James: I am. How much? Jay: 50 grand, in cash. James: Done. [ Audrey gasps ] Audrey: Oh, oh, oh! Thank you. Jay: Well, then, where's my cash? Because to tell you the truth, the dude in the wheelchair -- he doesn't look so good. Wait a minute -- you're James Stenbeck. How come you're not dead? Barbara: That is the question of the decade. Jay: Well, I -- I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to imply that, uh -- as I can see, you're very, very much, uh -- look, we're cool, huh? I mean, you're James Stenbeck. Of course you're good for the money. Audrey, why didn't you tell me that your sugar daddy here was James Stenbeck? You could have saved us all a lot of hassle. James: Out! Jay: No problem. All's good. Thank you very much, sir. Thank you. Audrey: My hero, my hero. Henry: Okay, mom. You got what you wanted. All right. Everybody, out of our room. Audrey: Oh, okay. Fine. Of course. Your father and I have rather urgent business to attend to, anyway. You know what? It's -- it's okay. Henry just has this little problem. He gets a little uptight. But give him time to adjust, he'll be just fine.
Vienna: What an awful way to find out you have such a horrible monster for a father. Henry: Yeah, yeah, thanks. Vienna: But at least you have a brother. Henry: Paul Ryan? Yeah, that's exactly what was missing from my life -- a father from hell and his obsessive, paranoid, wacko spawn for a brother. Who needs these people? Vienna: No, yeah, you're right. We -- we don't need James Stenbeck's dirty money, even if it is millions and millions and millions of dollars. 'Cause we don't want it. All we need is each other. Henry: Mm, yeah.
Henry: Go away, mother. Audrey: Henry, listen to me. I know it must have been a horrible shock to find out you're gonna inherit gazillions and gazillions of dollars. Henry: No, no, no, I'm still stuck on the revelation that I'm part con artist, part psychopath! Audrey: Okay, okay. I understand that it might be hard to take to James right off the bat. Henry: Listen, I can't be bought, okay? Rented, maybe, but my filial affection is not for sale. Audrey: Okay, I get it. I am no fool, all right? I know you probably hate me, and probably for a very good reason. I was a rotten mother. But listen to me. Do not cut your nose off just to make a point. Henry: You've lost me. Audrey: Henry, take your father's money. Think of it as payback for all the horrible things I did to you. Vienna: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Henry's had enough for one day. Go on. Get out. Go. What was that about? Henry: Nothing, nothing, nothing. I'm just telling her and her -- her James to get lost. Vienna: Oh. Thank goodness, because we don't want anything to do with that awful man. But look what I got you! Henry: Whipped cream. Vienna: And you know what that means.
Audrey: Huh-uh. That is bull hockey. I just got you back, and I have big, big plans for you. I want you to be around for a long time. [ Knock on door ] Hold that thought. I will be right back. Henry. What a surprise. Henry: Is it too late? Audrey: No, no. Please, come in. We're just having dessert. James: Hello, son. Henry: I, uh -- I was a little hasty earlier. It was a shock. Here I thought I only had one killer in the family, then lo and behold, I come -- [ Audrey clears throat ] I'm not good with change. But you're my dad, my progenitor, my pater familias. So, um, how could I turn my back on you? Audrey: Hug him. Hug, hug, hug your daddy! Hug your daddy. See? I told you Henry would come around.
Henry: Oh, now what?! Barbara: I just wanted to apologize. I'm afraid we got off on the wrong foot today. Henry: Oh, Barbara, it's not like we just met. Barbara: I know, but now we're family. And I realize the thought of James having another son and someone that we've known for so long -- it's a lot to adjust to. Henry: You have no idea. Barbara: I just think we have to make the best of the situation. Henry: Mm-hmm. I'm assume you're referring to the money. Barbara: No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about family bonds. It will be wonderful for Paul to have a brother around again. Henry: Uh, you know, we don't exactly move in the same circles, except when he comes in for a patty melt, extra onions, hold the pickles, so -- Barbara: Well, that's a start. Now, you see, I think you two boys need to put
aside your differences and become friends. And I plan to do everything in my
power to see that happen. |