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Monday, August 10, 2009 Henry is suspicious of his mother and her friend "Jay Stanhope," who turns out to be a man named Raymond Zuma. He enlists Katie's help to distract her while he goes through her room. He finds his hair brush and coffee mug in a bag marked "DNA sample." Meanwhile, Audrey gets a note and suspiciously leaves Katie to tend to it. Henry follows her and confronts her. Audrey admits that the man Henry thought was his father is not his biological father. But who is? Today’s episode was directed by Michael Eilbaum and written by Leslie Nipkow.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Katie: Ooh! Try "find your classmate." Henry: I did. Katie: No, you used classreunion.com. Henry: It's the same site. They just use different links to lure you in and then take all the life out of your credit card. Kind of a virtual version of my mother. Katie: I still don't think she's as evil as you say she is. [ Henry sighs ] Henry: I spent nine months attached to that woman's nervous system. I know how she operates. Katie: You are such a drama queen. Henry: Okay. Find out when we find the real Jay Stanhope. Katie: Well, according to the world wide web, he doesn't exist. Henry: And that doesn't make you suspicious? Katie: Yeah, a little, I guess. But maybe he's just some regular guy who has better things to do with his time than create his internet persona. Henry: It creates itself. You couldn't stop it even if you wanted to. Which means if this guy is off the grid, he is either dead or the unabomber, and the unabomber's in a federal pen. Ergo he is dead. And I bet that doppelganger that mom's got on her arm -- it'll bet you he's the hit man she hired to kill him. Katie: Um, aren't murder-for-hire transactions usually kept on the down low? Henry: I wouldn't know. Katie: All I'm saying is that why would your mother introduce you to some man who's pretending to be Jay Stanhope if she's planning to kill the real Jay Stanhope? Henry: To throw me off the scent. Katie: Why don't we just go to Audrey and ask her for an explanation? Henry: I did that. She lied to my face like she always does. I've never been able to figure it out if it's because I'm her son or it's just that I'm a guy. Katie: Why are you looking at me like that? Henry: How are you feeling, hmm? Katie: Why? Henry: Well, I was just thinking if -- if you and the bambino are down with this, you could head over to the Lakeview, maybe have a little tea with the merry murderess to see if you can get her to open up a little bit. Katie: Um, I don't think that's such a good idea. She knows how close we are. Henry: Use the "power girl unite" thing. You never know. It's worth a shot. Katie: I don't know. Henry: Yeah, right. Why don't you just stay here and put your feet up and incubate? Katie: Well, I was taken off of bed rest. And this is right up my alley. So if Audrey's hiding anything, I'll get it out of her.
Katie: You have to admit I'm good. Audrey's on her way down for a cup of tea. Henry: Good. You'll -- you'll be paying, by the way, because she is the Olympic champion of getting other people to pick up the check. Katie: If this whole thing turns out to be a figment of your paranoid imagination -- Henry: No, listen to me, Katie. She is homicidal, okay? You are saving men's lives here. Now, just keep her here while I go up and check on her room. Katie: You really think she's gonna leave incriminating evidence all around her room? Henry: I found her dead boyfriend's obituaries. Katie: And there wasn't a Jay Stanhope in the bunch. Henry: Serial killers like to keep souvenirs, okay? So if she did kill the original Jay Stanhope, they'll be a piece of him up there somewhere. Katie: Oh, stop! You're freaking out the baby. Okay. You should hide. You should hide. Hide, hide, hide. She's gonna be here any second. Audrey: Well, hi. Katie: Hey. Audrey: Look at you. You are just positively glowing. Katie: Thanks, Audrey. Audrey: Thank you for inviting me. I just can't tell you how much it means to me to get to know all of Henry's friends. Katie: Well, I just want you to tell me about how Henry was when he was a baby. Henry: Haven't seen this brush for a week. Why does she have a coffee mug? Now, why does she need a sample of my DNA?
Katie: So, Henry mentioned that you're seeing someone. Audrey: He did? Katie: Yes. Um, what -- what's his name? Jay -- Jay something. Audrey: My -- my son has a vivid, vivid imagination. Katie: Yes. Often too vivid. Audrey: Yeah, you can say that again. You know, you're supposed to encourage children's creativity, so when Henry was little, I tried not to discourage it. But I think now, that's a big mistake, because these days, I think he's really having a tough time keeping a handle on that reality. Katie: What do you mean? Audrey: Oh, he's just blowing things out of proportion a bit, like finding obituaries in my hotel room and making this huge leap that I am now a serial killer. Katie: Well, Henry is creative. Audrey: So creative. That's why I wasn't really surprised when he wrote a book. But just wish he would stick to the storytelling like as & story telling. He could get rich that way, maybe. Katie: Well, actually, he also even mentioned that he got to meet your boyfriend. Audrey: Jay, yeah. Yeah. Katie: So, what does Jay do? Audrey: International man of mystery. Katie: Really? Audrey: I -- I didn't come here to talk about men, really. I came to talk about you, find out all about you. So, please. Charles: Mrs. Coleman, a messenger just delivered for you. Uh, he said it was urgent. Audrey: Oh. Katie: Audrey -- Audrey? Audrey: Oh. Oh, oh. You know, well, um, this was a treat, so I didn't even bring my purse. You know, I'm gonna catch you later. Is that okay? I'll just catch up with you later with that. Katie: No, wait. Um -- here you go, Charles. Charles: Thank you, Mrs. Snyder. Audrey: Could you -- could you just, um, excuse me for one teeny, tiny little moment? Katie: Sure. Audrey: Um, I -- I am so sorry. We're gonna have to cut our little tea party just, um, short. Katie: Is everything okay? Audrey: Yeah. It's going to be.
Henry: I -- I can understand my mom taking my money, but my DNA? And what does she need my little hair follicles for? It's very sinister, maybe even diabolical. Katie: But it doesn't have anything to do with the murdered, poor Jay Stanhope, whoever he was -- or is, or -- whatever! We don't even have a good lead. Henry: Oh, my god. That's it. Oh, my god! Katie: What, what?! Henry: Jay Stanhope is my real father. That's why she needed my DNA -- to prove it so she can find him and kill him before I find out that she cheated on my dad. Katie: That's really extreme. Katie: It's the Colemans' favorite game -- extreme family! Katie: Even if it's true, that's no reason to kill! Henry: It is in Audreywood. Oh, yeah. I already know she gambles. Maybe she just didn't want to add "cheating slut" to the list. Katie: Henry, she is your mother! Henry: This is her plan, bubbles, okay? This is her plan, to find this guy and kill him before I find out the truth. The worst thing is, if she's already done it, then I'll never know who I really am.
Henry: Two minutes ago, I was Henry Coleman. Now I'm Henry Stanhope. Did -- did you find any more information about him? Katie: I -- I don't know! Either your mother doesn't know anything and she's completely innocent or she's an unbelievable actress. Henry: That one, "unbelievable actress" thing. I should have spent more time in the room. Katie: I do have to say, though, it does seem like something more is going on than she's saying. Henry: Uh-huh. You admit it. Katie: Well, yeah. It was pretty weird when she got this letter. And then everything about her changed -- her mood, the look on her face. And then she just got up and bolted. Henry: And she stuck you with the tab? Katie: Ah! She didn't even bring her purse. Henry: Actually, that's reassuring, given the circumstances. At least I know the grifting part is real. Did you get a chance to look at the letter at all? [ Elevator door dings ] Katie: Where are you going? Henry: I'm gonna go find out the truth. Katie: I'm coming with you. Henry: No, no, no, no, no. No wild goose chases for pregnant lady. You just stay here and take care of my mini best friend, all right? Katie: Okay. Good luck. Henry: Thanks. I'll call you if I find out anything.
Audrey: Okay. This is the place. Henry: Huh-uh. Not so fast, mother. We have to talk. Audrey: Henry, what are you doing here? Henry: I'm here to stop you, okay, because I know the truth.
Audrey: What truth are you talking about? Henry: Not what, but who. You see, Jay Stanhope is not Jay Stanhope. He's Raymond Zuma, I'm assuming your current boyfriend, aka is your next victim. Unless you found the original Jay Stanhope and had him whacked because he's my biological father, and you don't want me to meet him, because you have some twisted idea in your head that I look up to you as some sort of paragon of marital fidelity. Audrey: Where on earth did you get this stuff? Henry: The evidence. You absconded with my favorite coffee cup, and then you took my boar-bristle brush for a DNA sample. Now, if dad is really dad, then you wouldn't need some kind of spit sample from me, would you? And the brush -- that's just overkill. That just goes against good grooming! Audrey: Okay. Okay, fine. You -- you're right. The -- the man you met is -- is not Jay Stanhope. Henry: I knew it! Audrey: Because there is no Jay Stanhope! Henry: Where did you hide the body, mother? Audrey: I -- I didn't kill him! Jay Stanhope never existed. Henry: What? Audrey: Well, he -- there -- there isn't a Jay Stanhope, because that's an alias. That -- that's not a real guy. But he is your father. Henry: Oh, not the doofus we met at the Lakeview! No! Audrey: No, no, no, no, not the doofus. The real guy who is using the fake name is -- Henry: Is my father? Audrey: Yeah. Bingo. So do you want to know who he is or not?
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