Monday July 2, 2001
The question about
whether or not Henry loves Katie appears to be answered today.
He proposes to Katie, but it’s only to get her fighting spirit back. Or at least that’s what he says!
Katie
is talking to a collection of coconuts that she has made up to look like various
important people in her life. “Ok,
I know these words are long overdue, and I know they could never erase all of
the pain and the heartache the I’ve caused each of you.
But I need to say them, and hopefully, someday, somehow, you will find it
in your hearts to accept them. Because
I’m sorry, for everything.” She
turns to a female coconut with lots of hair.
“Margo, I 
know that you only wanted to be my big sister, help me be the
best person that I could be. And
all I ever showed you was grief.” Next
she turns to a coconut with spiky blondish hair.
“Craig, you believed in me when no one else would, and I showed you my
gratitude by acting like a selfish, spoiled brat.”
She then turns to a couple of coconuts and says to them, “Lily and
Holden, I almost cost you your marriage.”
Finally she turns back to the original coconut person, her husband. “And last but definitely not least, Simon.
I only wanted to make you happy. And
I let a bird eat your diamond for breakfast, and now it’s gone for good, and
I’m sorry,” she says, near tears.
Henry and Cooley
walk in and hear her apologies. “Now,
don’t you give up on that diamond, little girl.
Ole Cooley’s gonna go out and comb this whole island, every inch of it,
till I find that bird. And then
I’m gonna rip that rock right outa his break, or his gullet if that’s what I
have to do,” promises the reformed Cooley.
“Forgive me if I don’t pitch in, but I draw the line at performing
oral surgery on winged creatures,” says Henry.
“Thank you, Mr. Cooley, thank you,” responds Katie.
“But there’s no use wasting any more time looking for that diamond.
I don’t deserve it. I
don’t deserve Simon’s love. I’ve
done way too many terrible things in my life, so now I’m getting what I
deserve,” says Katie resolutely. “Hello,
Dharma!” says Henry, trying to snap her out of it.
“What about the rest of us here? Are
we just supporting players in your new age of enlightenment?”
“Well, I can’t answer that for you, Henry. Maybe you should do some soul searching of your own,”
counsels Katie. “Well, you two do
all the soul searching you want. But
I’m going to keep searching this island for that bird.
Now don’t you give up, little girl.
I tell you, don’t you do it. Don’t
you do it!” encourages Cooley as he leaves to track the bird.
“Well, I hope you got that out of your system because
we have work to do,” says Henry, rubbing his hands together.
“Like what?” asks Katie. “Dinner!”
replies Henry as he picks up the rabbit out of the pen Katie has made for it.
“No! No, don’t you dare!
You get your hands off of Snickers right now,
Henry.
Henry!” yells Katie as she tries to get the rabbit back.
“Come on, I want to put him down into a nice little pot of coconut
broth. Do you mind if I borrow Lily
here?” asks Henry, referring to one of the coconut people.
“That’s Holden,” corrects Katie.
“And you are not eating my rabbit.
Give him back to me!” she demands.
“I am not spending the rest of my life on this deserted island with
someone who is so full of self pity. All
right, now either you stop these little sappy soliloquies or I am making me some
rabbit ragout,” says Henry hungrily as he holds the rabbit out of Katie’s
reach. She hits him and tries to
get it back, but he just says, “Knock it off,” and laughs.
“Give
me back my bunny now, Henry! Come on, you’re such a creep,” says Katie, continuing to
hit him. “Ow! OK, all right, here,” he says, handing her the rabbit.
“He’ll get to hop another day. We’ll
starve to death, but old Snickers will be happy,” says Henry.
“Oh, it’s OK, little Snickers,” says Katie as she 
comforts her pet. “I will never let that mean man touch you ever again,”
she promises. “So now that you
have your little bunny wabbit back, and you’ve given up all hope of finding
your long-lost, recently found, lost again diamond, have you given any thought
to what you’re going to do for the rest of your life?” asks Henry. “Well, I thought I might devote my life to doing good
deeds,” answers Katie sweetly. “Good,
that’s great. Except, I don’t
know, maybe you haven’t noticed this, but there’s not too many old ladies
wandering around on this island,” observes Henry.
“No, but I thought I might help you and Mr. Cooley learn some of the
lessons that I’ve learned,” suggest Katie.
“No, no, no, no. No
one’s been able to change my evil ways, all right?
Not my mother, not my father, not all the bosses I’ve ever had.
Not even all 47 nuns at St. Mary’s School for Boys,” says Henry,
stretching out on the sand. “Well,
maybe you’ve met your match,” says Katie.
After a moment of silence a light bulb goes on in Henry’s head.
“That’s it!” he says. “That’s
what?” asks Katie. “You have
just given me a
brilliant idea for our future that doesn’t involve redeeming
sinners or therapy sessions with coconuts,” says Henry.
“What are you talking about?” asks Katie.
“A plan of action, a course for our life that might actually make life
on this island bearable, or, dare I even say it, fun!” says Henry, looking at
her invitingly. “What exactly are
you proposing, Henry Coleman?” asks Katie worriedly. “Marriage, my dear,” announces Henry. “You are not serious,” says Katie with a look of disgust
on her face. “Oh no? No?” says Henry as he gets down on one knee and takes her
hand. “Katie Peretti Frasier,
would you do the honor of being my bride?” he asks sincerely. Speechless, Katie just stares him with a look of horror on
her face and pulls her hand away.
Meanwhile, Simon
is flying to the island to rescue his Katie!
He is warned to 
turn back because of the weather, but refuses.
He thinks about all the wonderful (and not so wonderful) moments he’s
had with Katie. His last thought is
of when she lied to him about being pregnant.
He decides to change his flight plan; he wants to go to “some tropical
paradise loaded with sexy, rich, uncomplicated women who don’t induce
insanity.”
Katie
stand up quickly and says, “You better get up fast.” “Why?” asks Henry.
“So you’re not underneath me when I throw up!” says Katie.
“Aw,” says Henry, hurt. “Oh,
how could you even mention the word ‘marriage,’ and in that same sentence
the words ‘you’ and ‘me?’” asks Katie, putting Snickers back into
his
pen. “What’s wrong with me?”
wonders Henry, laughing. “It is
not fair of you to ask me that question when you know I’m trying to be a nice
person,” says Katie. “I think
I’d make a very good husband,” argues Henry.
“I’m already married! His
name is Frasier. My name is Frasier,”
explains Katie. “Yeah, Katie, but
he’s gone. Let’s face it, all
right? Now, I know how much you
love domesticity, so why not take the plunge with me?
You’re not going to get a better offer,” says Henry.
“I’m willing to wait,” responds Katie as she begins to walk away.
Henry stops her,
saying, “No, no, no, wait, look.” “What?”
asks Katie. “Look up there,”
says Henry, pointing to the sky. “That
- it’s a bird. No, no, no, it’s
a bird with a diamond in its mouth. It’s
- it’s – reality! More powerful
than a 
hare-brained scheme, able to shatter hopes in a single bound.”
“You are crazy!” says Katie. “No,
I’m not yet. But I’m gonna - we’re both gonna go crazy if we don’t
find - figure out how to make the best of this situation. Now face it, Katie, this is our reality!” says Henry.
“I am not marrying you,” insists Katie.
“Why not? Think of the
gorgeous babies we’d make, huh? With my fashion sense and your deceptively wholesome good
looks,” says Henry. “Forget it,
having your babies
is frightening! Have
you ever rented that move The Omen?” asks Katie.
“Oh, come on now, be nice,” says Henry.
“I can’t be nice when you’re being such a pig!” replies Katie.
“What? Is that any way to
talk to your husband?” teases Henry. “You
are not my husband! Nor will you
ever, ever be!” declares Katie as she begins throwing coconuts at him.
Henry laughs, ducking, and says, “And oh, she is off and running!
Welcome back! Welcome back, Peretti!”
Meanwhile, back in
the plane, Simon thinks about some of the happier moments in his marriage (to
the tune of Faith Hill’s There You’ll Be).
“Damn you, Katie, damn you,” he says, unable to shake her.
He radios ground control and changes his flight plans back to the
original. “And don’t try to stop me this time. I am too much of a fool to listen.” A fool in love!
Katie is
continuing to pelt Henry with coconuts. “This
is - this is fabulous. Whoa!
My plan worked like a charm,” says Henry. “What are you so happy about?
I just told you I would never marry you,” says Katie, confused.
“Uh 
huh, that’s exactly what I wanted.
Katie, the whole proposal was just a ploy to get you back to your old
self. I was never really going to
marry you, come on,” says Henry. Katie
stops throwing and asks, “Why not? What’s
wrong with me?” “Nothing!
Nothing, now that you’ve got your fighting spirit back,” responds
Henry. “You wanna see fight?
I’ll give you fight,” says Katie as she throws a coconut at him.
Cooley walks in with flowers and says, “Well, if you don’t want the
flowers just say so.” “I
don’t want flowers or proposals or propositions!
Just
because I am the only female on this island does not mean that you
men – and I use that term loosely – can fight over me,” declares Katie.
“Well, who’s fighting? You’re
the one throwing the coconuts,” observes Cooley. “Listen, if we are going to be stranded on this island
forever, I just wanna make sure that both of you know that I am not interested
in either of you. Am I clear?”
asks Katie. “Crystal.
You Cooley?” says Henry. “Oh,
as a bell. See, I just thought
maybe these 
might cheer you up, I didn’t mean nothing by it,” explains
Cooley. “Let me tell you
something, back in civilization flowers are a sign of romance.
I just wanted to make sure that you don’t focus any of your romantic
fantasies on me,” says Katie. “I
will try to restrain myself,” says Henry nobly.
“How ‘bout I shove these little signs of romance down your throat,
Henry,” threatens Katie. “It’ll
be the best thing you’ve cooked up on this island so far, go ahead,”
counters Henry. “Keep up the
mouth and I’ll shove them someplace else!” says Katie.
“Now hold on,
don’t mess with the flowers,” says Cooley.
“Why?” asks Katie. “Well, because they’re… cursed,” answers Cooley.
“What are you talking about?” asks Katie.
“Well, there’s a legend on the island - and it’s a scary one at
that…” begins Cooley. “You’re
a scary old island legend, Cooley,” says Henry.
“Hey, don’t mock the flowers or the curse will fall upon you,”
warns Cooley. “Um, it’s too
late, that’s already happened,” says Henry.
“Would you shut up Henry? Go
on, Mr. Cooley, tell us about the legend,” says Katie. 
“Well, it all started with this handsome young sailor who was stranded
on this island many years ago, when the gods were battling for supremecy amidst
the heavens,” explains Cooley. “Now
which gods were these exactly? Were
they Greek, Roman, or just generic garden variety?” asks Henry.
Katie shushes him and Cooley continues.
“Well see, this sailor, he loved the sea. And the goddess who ruled over this island - her name was
Lucy Mae…” “Lucy Mae?
What? What was she the
goddess of country music?” asks Henry, laughing.
“No, she was the goddess of jealousy.
Anyway, she didn’t want this handsome young sailor to leave the island,
so she turned him into a flowering plant. That
flowering plant,” says Cooley, pointing to the flowers Katie is holding.
“Now the legend goes that if anyone viciously destroys that plant they
will be cursed for all time. But if
they gently pull the petals off and drop them into the ocean, the sailor will
find peace and they will be granted their deepest, most sacred wish.”
Henry doesn’t believe a word of it, but Katie does.
She has a look of joy and longing on her face as she listens to the
story.
“So
how was that story?” asks Cooley. “It
was nice, for a fairy tale,” replies Katie.
“Well, I say that we all get down on our knees and pray to Betty Jo,”
says Henry sarcastically. “Lucy
Mae,” corrects Katie. “And if
you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to be alone for a little while,” she says.
“No problem. Hank, let’s
- let’s you and me take a hike. What
do you say?” suggests Cooley. “Yeah,
fine, as long as you never call me Hank again.
Don’t tell me any more of your legends, all right?” says Henry.
After they leave Katie picks up coconut Simon.
“I can’t believe I’m actually this desperate.”
She picks up a flower and goes over to the shore.
Closing her eyes and plucking the petals off one by one, she says, “Oh
Simon, my wish, my deepest wish, my only wish, is to see you again.”
Today’s episode was directed by Marie Wagner and
written by Richard J. Allen.
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