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Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Brad and Vienna tape their first "Oakdale Now" show, broadcast live! They're having a mock first date at Metro, and Henry is called in to play the part of the waiter when the original actor cancels. He's jealous seeing Brad and Vienna together, and he and Brad argue. Kim is frustrated and tells them the deal is off, but the viewers like it. So Kim hires Vienna to cohost "Oakdale Now" with Brad. Today’s episode was directed by Michael Eilbaum and written by David A. Levinson.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: Oh, my god, you're so gorgeous. Vienna: Oh, I am so nervous. Henry: Oh, I can think of a way -- or two -- or three to calm you down. [Vienna laughs] Vienna: You most certainly can, but we can't. Henry: Oh, yes, we can. I'll start with the zipper, right? Vienna: Oh god, you're such a naughty boy. No, no, no, no. No, seriously, we can't. We can't because I can't be late! Henry: What do you mean you can't be late? You're the star. You're the talent. They wait for you. Vienna: No, I'm auditioning. I'm not co-hosting "Oakdale Now" yet. This is a test of the segment to see if Brad and I click. Henry: "Click?" Vienna: Yeah, on camera. Henry: That's just until Katie gets back from maternity leave, right? Vienna: Yes, yes, of course. Ooh, did I tell you? We're filming it at metro. And I came up with the idea myself. Henry: No, you didn't tell me. What's the segment about? Vienna: It's called "how to be a great date." Henry: And where did you get that idea, one may wonder. Vienna: Well, I wanted my first segment to be something that I have, you know, firsthand experience with. I would love for you to be there. Henry: No, no, no, no. You go. I -- I -- this is your deal. This is your job. You need to be in the moment with Brad. Vienna: Okay. Henry: It's really not about me. Vienna: Are you sure? Henry: Yeah, I'm sure. I'm positive. Vienna: Well, I'll be thinking about you the entire time. Mwah! Bye.
[Doorbell rings] Katie: Come in. Henry: "Come in"? What? You can't be bothered to let your guests in anymore? Katie: I'm on bed rest. You know that. Henry: I do know that that is why I am here. I can't turn down a captive audience. Katie: Lucky me. [Henry laughs] Henry: Yes, that's just one of the perks of being bosom buddies again. Katie: I think it's the best one. Henry: So do I. And since our better halves are working together now, I thought this would be a great chance to catch up with my bubbles. Watching them work. Why are we watching them work? Katie: Because Brad set up a monitor so I can watch the feed. Henry: What are they doing? Katie: I don't know. I haven't turned up the volume yet. [Cellphone ringing] Henry: That's Vienna. This is weird. It's like your own little panic room. Katie: Would you answer your phone? Henry: Hello. Vienna: Henry, it's me. I'm here at metro. Henry: I know. I can see you. Vienna: Well, are you here? Henry: No, on the monitor. Vienna: What monitor? Brad: Oh, oh. It must be the monitor I installed at the house. Look at the camera and wave. "Hello, hello!" Vienna: Oh, hey, darling. Henry: Hi. What's going on? Vienna: I'm desperate. I need you. Henry: Uh, liebchen, you know you're not alone. Vienna: Yeah, and not like that. I'm here at metro, and we need you to come and fill in as our waiter. Henry: Oh, sweetheart, I don't think that's a good idea. Vienna: Why not? Brad: Come on, Henry. You can't say no. You don't want Vienna's career to be over before it starts, do you? Vienna: Oh, come on, Henry, please, please. Henry: All right, all right, all right. Just the both of you -- just step away from the camera, okay? Vienna: Thank you. Thank you, darling. Katie: Have fun. Henry: Yeah. Call me immediately if the camera catches my bad side. Katie: You don't have a bad side. Henry: Aww!
Kim: You're playing their waiter. Of course, you know that. And by the way, you are an under-five, okay? Henry: Under-five? Kim, you're limiting my creativity here. Kim: That's showbiz, kid. Henry: Yeah. Kim: Okay, everybody, places, please. You guys set? We're gonna run it once. Brad: Yeah, we're good, good, good. Let's go. Kim: In 5, 4, 3, 2 -- Vienna: Hello, everyone. So, today we're gonna show you lovely viewers at home how to make the most out of a night on the town. Brad: Of course, it helps if your date is as handsome as me and as gorgeous as the lovely Vienna here. [Cork pops] Vienna: Ohh! And what better way to start the evening with a glass of champagne and some delicious caviar? Brad: Oh, and it's a great way to break the ice. May I? Vienna: Yes, you may. Thank you. Brad: Oh, you're very, very welcome. Vienna: Now, ladies, never be afraid of making the first move. Brad: And, fellas, my advice to you is, let her Vienna: Oh, yeah. And always laugh at his jokes, because it'll boost his confidence. Brad: Mmm. [Vienna laughs] Brad: Then you will know it's time to make your move -- to let her know that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and that, as far as you're concerned, no one else exists. Vienna: Oh, oh! Henry: Would you like some champagne, miss? Vienna: Oh, yes, please. Brad: Now, a professional waiter would know better than to interrupt at the wrong time. Henry: Well, your date looked parched. And despite your obvious fawning, you failed to notice that. Brad: But when you're in the moment, not even an inexperienced server can ruin the mood between you two. Henry: Um, your inexperienced server can hear you, and he doesn't think that your elite attitude is pleasing the lady. Brad: Henry. Henry, Henry, Henry! Vienna: Henry, aah! [Clattering] Katie: Oh! Kim: Cut! Cut!
Kim: We're going live -- live in a very few minutes. I want you both to get a grip -- now. Brad: Kim's right. Whatever this is, you need to get over it. Henry: Oh, I'm over it. Brad: Come on, Henry. This is not real. I'm not really making a pass at Vienna. Henry: Oh, I know that, because if this were real, you wouldn't get anywhere near Vienna. Brad: Oh, is that so? Henry: That's so, because she prefers a man with a little more substance. Brad: Oh, believe me, bud, I got plenty of substance. Henry: Really? Spell "substance"! Vienna: Okay. Stop it, Henry, right now! Henry: Look, he's the one that started it. Brad: I -- I did not! I'm doing my job! Vienna: You're supposed to be helping us. Henry: I am helping -- look at the apron. Brad: No, no. You're trying to sabotage us. Henry: Why would I do that? I mean, you know what? I think you're just nervous about going live. Brad: You know what, Henry? For a man who says he has a lot of substance, you're acting really petty right now, and I think Vienna deserves better. Kim: All right, you two. Everybody set to do this? Vienna: Yes, we are. We're fine. Kim: Places, everybody, please! Places. Now, listen, I want to remind you -- all of you -- we're going live today. This is not taping. We are live. That means you have one chance. Make it count. And in 5, 4, 3, 2 --
Kim: We're going live -- live in a very few minutes. I want you both to get a grip -- now. Brad: Kim's right. Whatever this is, you need to get over it. Henry: Oh, I'm over it. Brad: Come on, Henry. This is not real. I'm not really making a pass at Vienna. Henry: Oh, I know that, because if this were real, you wouldn't get anywhere near Vienna. Brad: Oh, is that so? Henry: That's so, because she prefers a man with a little more substance. Brad: Oh, believe me, bud, I got plenty of substance. Henry: Really? Spell "substance"! Vienna: Okay. Stop it, Henry, right now! Henry: Look, he's the one that started it. Brad: I -- I did not! I'm doing my job! Vienna: You're supposed to be helping us. Henry: I am helping -- look at the apron. Brad: No, no. You're trying to sabotage us. Henry: Why would I do that? I mean, you know what? I think you're just nervous about going live. Brad: You know what, Henry? For a man who says he has a lot of substance, you're acting really petty right now, and I think Vienna deserves better. Kim: All right, you two. Everybody set to do this? Vienna: Yes, we are. We're fine. Kim: Places, everybody, please! Places. Now, listen, I want to remind you -- all of you -- we're going live today. This is not taping. We are live. That means you have one chance. Make it count. And in 5, 4, 3, 2 --
[Vienna laughs] Henry: And for you, sir? Brad: Please. Now, as you can tell, presentation is very important, from the way you look down to the restaurant you choose to the staff who serves you. All right? It's very, very important to take care of all these things. [Vienna gasps] Vienna: Oops. Well, you know, even the slightest mishap can pave the way for a romantic gesture. Please, let me. Katie: Nice save. Brad: No, no, no. Katie: No, no, no, no! Don't get up from the table, Brad! Brad: You did that on purpose. Henry: No, I didn't. Brad: I want an apology. Henry: I can't. Brad: What is wrong with you? Henry: There is nothing wrong with me. Why don't you get back to your date? Brad: She is not my -- oh! I told you, if you mess this up for us -- Henry: I can tell you what it looks like, okay? It looks exactly like a date. And I'm not trying to mess anything up for you, all right? Vienna: Okay, here! Here, over here! Henry: You are the problem. Vienna: So, even -- Brad: I'm the problem?! Henry: You are the problem! Brad: What are you talking about?! We're shooting a show here! [Vienna chuckles] Vienna: Like a real date -- different things can happen.
Kim: Just what was it you two thought you were doing, other than causing an unmitigated disaster? Brad: Kim, I'm really sorry. We can just do it again. This time, we don't need to use Henry. Henry: "Use Henry" -- boy, there's an understatement. Brad: You shut up. Kim: No, you shut up! Both of you, shut up! I keep telling you -- we can't do it again. We were live. And how am I supposed to explain that to the affiliates? Vienna: But it was going pretty well. Kim: And you -- you, Vienna, in the middle of these two clowns, you were awesome. I'm so aggravated. This was set up to demonstrate that you and Brad had on-air chemistry. Vienna: Well, do we? Kim: Well, you know, you weren't on the air long enough to see it! Vienna: Oh, but please give us another chance. Kim: I can't. Don't you understand? I can't. This thing was over before it ever got started. Come on, Kenny. Let's go. [Vienna sighs] Brad: You happy, man? You just ruined this for everyone. Henry: Liebchen. Vienna: No, no. [Henry sighs]
Henry: I know you're mad at me. Vienna: And? Henry: And -- and I'm sorry. And if it makes you feel any better, I loathe myself right now. Vienna: Well, how is that supposed to make me feel better? Because I love you, and I want you to be happy. And I thought you wanted me to be happy, too. Henry: I do. It -- that is what I want. Vienna: Well, I wanted this to happen, Henry. I wanted a show. You didn't. Henry: No, that's -- that's not true. But it's just Brad. He just ticked me off -- that's -- that's all. Vienna: Brad? Brad is our best friend, and you're so mad at him. You never used to be like this before. Henry: I never lost a child before. I'm sorry. Vienna: Okay, you can't blame Brad for what happened. It's not fair. Henry: I know. Vienna: You have to -- you have to find a way to get past this. [Henry sighs] Henry: I'm trying. Vienna: Well, try harder. Henry: I will. Vienna: Because I can live without being on TV, but I can't live with you being like this.
[Cellphone ringing] Henry: What's the matter? [Cellphone ringing] Vienna: It's Brad. I'll just let it go to voicemail. Henry: No, no. Answer it. Come on. Vienna: Okay. Hello, Brad. Brad: Vienna, Kim just called. The segment was a hit. The show is back on. [Vienna laughs] Vienna: It is? Oh, my god! Oh, that's wonderful! I'm so happy! Thank you for calling. Thank you. Henry: What's so wonderful? Vienna: Kim says the segment was a hit and we're gonna cohost "Oakdale Now." Henry: Uh-huh. [Vienna laughs] Vienna: I'll turn it down if you don't want me to. Henry: What? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is your dream. Your dreams are my dreams, too. I want this for you. Vienna: Oh, I love you. Henry: Mmm! Vienna: Oh, and by the way, have you ever been -- intimate with a TV star before? Henry: Well, uh, let me think. There was, um, no, she -- hey, there was this time with this -- no, I haven't, actually, no. Vienna: Because that is all about to change. Henry: Mmm. Oh. Vienna: Mmm.
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