Tuesday, June 5, 2001
In today's show, Simon begins to worry about his missing
bride, while Katie pines for Simon on the island as she and Henry get an
unexpected visitor.
Back in Oakdale, Simon is sitting on the bed
in the suite playing his guitar and thinking about Katie.
He remembers the last time he saw her, and he begins to wonder why he
hasn't heard from her. He goes to
both Craig and Margo with his concerns, but neither of them are willing to do
anything about it.
Meanwhile, on the island, Katie is sleeping peacefully and
dreaming about Simon. In her dream,
she wakes up to find Simon next to her. "Simon,
you're here!" she says happily. "I
had to come, as soon as I read your note," answers Simon.
"I -- I wasn't sure you cared,” says Katie.
“Of course I care. I was
too blind to see it. But now, I
realize I cannot live without you. I've
come to take you home, Katie, my love,” declares Simon.
He kisses her, and she wakes up to find Henry next to her, not Simon.
“Why, Peretti, I didn't know you cared,” says Henry, smirking.
Realizing her mistake, Katie begins to scream.
“Yuck! Oh,
my -- oh! I can't believe you did
that!” exclaims Katie. “Me?!”
asks Henry, “Hey, I was just sitting here getting my beauty rest when your
lips came in for a surprise landing without getting clearance from the tower.
By the way, Katie, do you have any mouthwash in that trunk, 'cause your
breath is – “ “Oh, if anyone
needs mouthwash, it's you, Mr. Martini breath!” snaps Katie.
“No one told you to kiss me!” answers Henry.
“I wasn't kissing you. I was kissing Simon!” explains Katie.
“Wow.
Well, I've heard of people losing their minds on a deserted island, but I
thought it took more than 48 hours, Katie,” says Henry.
“I meant that I was dreaming about kissing Simon.
Oh, it was so wonderful. He
found my note and he came to rescue me,” says Katie dreamily.
“Well, you just keep dreaming, okay?
'Cause, back here, in reality, the only thing that's looking for you
doesn't wanna kiss you. It wants to embed itself in your skin and suck your blood --
hey, where's that bug repellant I gave you?!” asks Henry. Katie doesn’t remember, and Henry complains, “Great!
No pontoons, no bug repellent. I
bet you have plenty of lip gloss, though, don't ya?”
“Henry, we're never gonna survive this if we keep fighting like this,
all right? Let's just divide up the
work. You build us a hut or
something, okay? And my job is gonna be to look for food,” says Katie the
leader. “Well, I got news for ya,
sweetheart. This is the only place
on earth that doesn't have a set of golden arches,” says Henry.
“Oh, ha, ha. Don't worry,
I'll find some edible berries or something,” says the girl scout.
“Oh,
okay. Well, while you're doing
that, I hope you don't mind if I eat the only unpoisonous food we have here.”
Henry walks toward the trunk to get the junk food they brought.
Katie runs after him, saying, “No, no!
Don't you dare! You don't touch that! That
is for emergencies only! We can't
– “ Katie stops and looks at
the ground. “Henry, look.
Footprints! Fresh, human
footprints. And they're not
ours!”
Henry puts his foot in the footprint and says, unimpressed,
“Gadzooks, Katie! You're right!
These are footprints!” “There's
another human being on this island,” explains Katie.
“Oh? Well, maybe he's a
scuba-diving carpenter who likes to cook with wild berries.
Then all our problems would be solved,” comments Henry.
Katie excitedly says that she knows who it is.
“It's Tom Hanks and the volleyball -- Castaway II,” guesses
Henry. “No, it's Simon!” says
Katie hopefully. Henry doesn’t
think so. “Okay, I'd keep my bet
on Tom 
Hanks.”
“No, no, it is. It's
Simon,” insists Katie. “I left
him that note. I just didn't know
he'd get here so soon. Simon?!”
She begins to call for him. “Okay,
let's indulge this little pathetic fantasy of yours for a minute and let's say
that your apathetic, non-husband did come to find you, Katie.
Now, after that excruciating journey, why would he tiptoe up to you while
you were asleep and not bother to wake you up?
Hmm?” asks Henry. “Well,
maybe just wanted to let me sleep. And
maybe he's out looking for a nice, warm, cozy place to spend the night for the
two of us. Oh, I bet he's getting
that cave ready just for us -- this nice, romantic, little getaway,” says
Katie dreamily. “I hate to burst
your bubble, bubblehead, but, first of all, if Simon did come here, we would've
heard the plane land. And second of
all, I don't see a pontoon plane anywhere.
Do you? And most of all, he wouldn't come out here -- there's not a
chance in a million -- because he can't stand you!” taunts Henry.
“Are you through, Henry? 'Cause
I'm definitely through with you. From
now on, you're on your own!” She
begins to walk away and Henry asks her what she’s going to
do. “I'm gonna follow these
footprints and find Simon. And then
I'm gonna watch you eat crow! Simon?!”
She walks away and Henry follows her, saying, “Well, at least I'll be
eating something, Katie!” After
they leave old Cooley walks up and looks around, saying, “This place is drawin'
a crowd. That's too bad. I
hate crowds.”
Henry and Katie come back to camp after a futile search for
Simon. “I was supposed to be the
next Les Moonves or Roone Arledge! Instead
I'm traipsing around on an island in the middle of the Bermuda triangle with
some has-been anchor chick, looking for her Australian auto mechanic husband.
How the mighty have fallen!” laments Henry.
Katie raises her fists and threatens, “If 
you
don't want me to rearrange your jaw, you better start taking things
seriously!” “Katie, how am I
supposed to take you seriously when you're hopping around like a kangaroo in
heat?” asks Henry. “Well, you
better find a way to get serious because if those footprints are not Simon's,
that means that someone else is on this island and our lives could be in grave
danger,” answers Katie. “Oh,
don't be such a drama queen! Who
would want to hurt us?” asks Henry. Suddenly
a large object is thrown into their camp. “Okay,
am I hallucinating or did a coconut just fly by here?” asks Henry in
disbelief. “I think it was a
mango,” answers Katie. Another
mango is thrown and Henry asks where they’re coming
from. “I don't know,” says
Katie. Henry gets hit in the head
with a mango and falls face first into the sand.
“I think from over there,” says Katie helpfully.
“Yeah, well, I could've told you that, Katie!
We're under an ambush!” says Henry, sputtering.
“By who?” asks Katie. Cooley
answers, “By me! Now go!
Get the hell off this island!” “Go,”
yells Henry as they run away.
A little while later they come back to camp.
Katie asks, “Do you think we lost him?”
“Yeah, for now,” says Henry. “Do
you think he'll come back?” wonders Katie.
“Yeah. Yeah, when he wants targets for more mango-throwing 
practice,”
answers Henry. “Maybe it's not
mangoes next time. Maybe he really
wants to hurt us,” worries Katie. “I
don't -- I don't want to think about that, Katie,” says Henry. “Well, we have to think about it! Or we have to find someplace to hide from him,” says Katie.
“Where's that gonna be? The
only cave on the island is flooded. And
between the two of us, we can't make a sand castle, much less a lean-to that
you've been talking about,” says Henry. “No,
I know, but at least we have our – “ She
walks towards the place where their trunk was and sees that it’s gone.
“No. No, it can't be!”
“What can't be?” asks Henry. “Our
trunk -- it's gone! All of our
stuff is gone!” declares Katie. “Oh,
are you sure?” asks Henry. “Yes,
it was right here. And now, it's
gone. Oh, I bet that mango-throwing
freak stole it all,” she says, frustrated.
“All right, all right,
all right, all right. Lucky for us,
I had the foresight to pack a few essentials last night, just in case something
like this happened,” reassures Henry. “If that is true, then I won't kick you off the island.
You get one day's immunity,” grants Katie.
“Yeah, well, you wouldn't survive a day on this island without me.
And fortunately for you, I know what people need to survive.
I know what people -- civilized people -- can't live without.
One survival kit!” Henry
walks over to the edge of camp and digs a case out of the sand.
“What's in it? What's in
it, a cell phone, food, a change of underwear?” asks Katie excitedly.
“I said survival kit, Katie,” answers Henry as he opens the kit and
displays the contents. “One
bottle of Bombay gin, a bottle of vermouth and martini glasses.“
“That's it?!” asks Katie. “Now,
don't worry about it, Katie. There's
two martini glasses here. Now, all
we need to do is find some cracked ice,” says Henry, looking around.
“And what about a cracked skull?” offers Katie, smacking him in the
head. ”Ow!” complains Henry,
holding his head, “This calls for a drink.”
Katie stares off into the distance and pleads, “Simon, please come
rescue me. Please come rescue
me!”
Today’s episode was directed by Maria Wagner and
written by Richard J. Allen.
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