Thursday, May 10, 2001
Today in Oakdale, Lucinda and Rose are throwing a party in
honor of Lily and Holden. Needless
to say, Katie and Henry were not invited. Instead,
they discussed the plans for their “excellent adventure” over martinis at
the Lakeview Lounge.
In a replay of the
end of yesterday’s show, Henry asks Katie, “Even if this idea were remotely
feasible -- which it's not -- how do you plan on financing
this transoceanic
expedition? You need a plane, a
boat, diving gear.” Katie
confidently replies that it won’t be a problem.
“Okay, don't tell me. You
plan on robbing a bank before we set sail,” guesses Henry.
“No, we won't have to,” responds Katie.
“I haven't told you this -- I haven't told anyone.
But the truth is -- I'm loaded.” Henry
doesn’t believe her. “The $2.35
in Katie's widdle piggy bank won't cover cab fare to the airport.”
“I've got enough money to keep you in dry
martinis for, oh, about 100
years,” teases Katie. “Well, I
really like martinis,” counters Henry. Katie
says she knows and it’s “no problem.”
Henry is aware of Katie’s optimistic streak and comments, “This from
the same girl who thinks that being married to a con man and a gigolo
extraordinaire is also ‘no problem.’”
“You know, Henry, I would make fun of your life, too, if you had
one,” snaps Katie. “Well, I
don't have time for a life, Katie. I'm
too busy saving yours,” answers Henry.
“I'm talking
serious bucks here,” says Katie. “I'm
talking reality,” says Henry. “Now,
you've been shacked up for months next to a grease pit.
Why? 
Or is your serious
money just tied up T-bills?” “Something
like that,” answers Katie vaguely. “I
have my own private stash. Enough
money to bankroll our entire adventure and then some.
I'm dead serious, Henry.” Finally
convinced, Henry says, “You really are, aren't you?
Do my ears deceive me or has my little Katie-bird hatched herself a nest
egg?”
Katie explains,
“When I was working as an anchorwoman at WOAK, I practically lived like a nun.
I mean, I had room and board covered, 'cause I was staying with Tom and
Margo. So I stashed all my
paychecks into CDs. Nothing risky,
just enough to guarantee interest, and I was not gonna touch them until they
matured.” “Or until you
matured, whichever came first – “ quips Henry.
Katie says that now is the time. “Now?”
asks Henry. “Now, not when I was desperate?
Not when I gave you the 500 bucks so you could play the role of pregnant
newlywed?” “Oh, come on, Henry,
you were fine. See, that's the
brilliance of my plan. If you spend
money every time you think you need to, you're never gonna have a dime,”
explains Katie. “Oh, well, Alan
Greenspan has nothing on you,” says Henry.
He asks her just how much she has saved up.
After she avoids answering the question a few times, Henry demands an
answer, “Okay, the inscrutable
thing -- it's getting a little tedious. So
if you want me to go along with this ‘Henry and Katie excellent adventure,’
it's time to show me the money!” “Okay,
okay,” agrees Katie. “The only
reason
that I'm dipping into my savings is to invest in this -- oh, little
venture that could net millions. See,
it may be all I have in the world, but it's chump change compared to what I
could get from this diamond, right?” “Right,
fine, I'll play the chump. How much
change do you have in the CDs?” Katie finally gives a number, “Somewhere in the
neighborhood of $30,000.” Henry
almost chokes on his martini.
Katie spreads out a
map on the table and starts to plan the details of the 
trip.
“Okay, this is a map of the entire Outer Banks, from Corolla down to
Hatteras Point. Now, Simon and
Lily's island that they were stranded on is just some little, small piece of
sand off the coast here somewhere.” “Bubbles,
you see this?” asks Henry patronizingly.
“It's called an ocean. And
Simon's island is not even on this map. We
don't know where his sister went blub-blub-blub down
to the bottom.
We don't even know how deep the ocean is. All we do know is you've got enough money to finance this
crazy operation.” But Katie is
not deterred from her mission. “Okay,
you just leave the details to me, all right?
I can get plenty more maps from the Internet.
And I met this guy who's totally on scuba diving.
He told that we're gonna have to get certified, but we can do that right
here in town in just a few days.” At
where?” asks Henry dubiously. “The
local shark tank?” “No, at the
Y, silly.” Fed up, Henry says,
“Okay, okay, enough -- enough with the sales pitch, all right?
Spending time on a deserted island without Ginger and Maryann is just not
gonna do it for me, okay?” “There's
a cave on the island,” says Katie, trying to tempt him.
“There's a cave on the island? Well,
why didn't you say so?” asks Henry sarcastically.
Finally Katie offers the one thing that will motivate Henry – money.
“You know, Henry, you've gone soft.
You used to tell me to reach for the sky, to grab what I wanted and not
let anyone get in my way. And now you're letting a small, little island and some sand
scare you? Here's the deal, okay?
Take it or leave it. You and
I split whatever the diamond is worth, 50/50.”
Curious, Henry asks how big the diamond is, and lifting up his martini
glass, Katie answers, “The top part, without the stem.”
Finally tempted, Henry says, “Well, Peretti, it does have a certain je
ne sais quoi that just won't quit.” “You're
in on it?” asks Katie hopefully. “I
have but one question,” responds Henry. “Where's
my wetsuit?”
Now that Henry has agreed, Katie continues to go over the
plans. “Okay, so after the gear and the plane, we're gonna have to
hire a pilot.” Henry drops a bomb
of his own. “Well, actually, I've
got a little surprise for you, Katie. I
can fly.” “Oh, get serious,
Henry. I'm too old to believe in
Peter Pan,” says Katie. “No,
no, no, I am serious,” insists Henry. “I've
got a pilot's license. I can take
the plane out and we can keep the split, 50/50.”
Who knew that Henry had so many hidden talents?
Katie is delighted. “You're
incredible. I 
knew you were the
right man for the job.” Henry
asks when they should start, and Katie answers, “Well, I don't know. We're gonna need some time to get our gear together and to
take those scuba lessons. Oh, I
know. During Barbara and Craig's
wedding. Everyone will be so busy,
they won't even know we're gone.” Henry
raises his glass for a toast. “Here's
to the bride and groom.” “And
to our little adventure,” adds Katie. “And
to the team of Coleman and Peretti, together again.”
“Frasier and Coleman,” corrects Katie.
“And to the filthy rich,” toasts Henry.
“God bless them, one and all. May we soon join their privileged
ranks.” Katie and Henry drink to
the success of their excellent adventure.
Today's episode was directed by Ellen Wheeler and
written by Judith Donato.
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