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Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Today’s episode was directed by Habib Azar and written by Josh Griffith.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Paul: How about I buy you a drink? There's something we need to discuss. Henry: Another time. Paul: Really? 'Cause now works so good for me. Henry: Well, I've got a date with a pool stick and something that's shaken, not stirred. Paul: Ideal. We'll make it a foursome. Henry: Afraid not -- I can’t. I can’t. I'm sorry. I can't do it. Paul: Why not? Henry, is there a reason you don't want to spend time with me?
Paul: If you're worried about me hustling you, please don’t. I'm not very good at pool. Henry: Then why go at all? Why go with me, really? Shouldn't you be spending quality time with the new wife? Paul: Okay, here's a little life lesson, all right? If a woman's happy, never crowd her. Besides, I feel like I owe you one. Henry: For? Paul: You've been such a good friend to Emily. You stood up at our wedding. And you were really there for her when she thought that I was dead. And I feel like I owe you for all of that. Henry: I'm so glad I could help out. Just send me a check if it makes you feel better. Paul: I'd really like for us to just, you know, have a drink, shoot a couple of rounds. Henry: You know, a smoky pool hall just doesn't strike me as your milieu. Paul: Well, a lot of people don't know this about me, but I love pool. Henry: No kidding. Paul: Yeah, I love everything about it. I love watching it. Henry: Yeah? Paul: Yes. I love playing it. I love betting on it. Henry: A gambling man, are you? Paul: Yeah. So, what's the action like at your smoky little pool hall? Henry: I was just -- I was just going to Yo's. Paul: Oh, Yo’s, yeah. I cut my teeth there. So, any decent stakes going on there? Henry: I play a decent game, but just for sport, you know. Paul: Of course, just for sport. Come on, what do you say? Henry: Gee, I don't know, Paul. Paul: Drinks are on me. Henry: Let's go.
Henry: Oh! Paul: I can't believe it. Henry: I can't believe you missed. I can't believe you did that. Paul: I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just not myself tonight. Henry: Well, it hurts you more than it hurts me. Paul: Yeah. You wouldn't be trying to take advantage of me, would you? Henry: No, no. I never hustle the guy that's buying the booze. I'm just having a stroke of luck here. Go figure. You want to call it quits? Paul: No. I would really like for you to give me a chance to win some of my money back. Henry: Okay. It's your funeral. Rack 'em, Ryan. Oh, please, don't let this stroke of luck ever end. Please, please, please. Paul: You know, I'm having so much fun right now, I don't even care that you're beating the pants right off me. Henry: I cannot remember a lucky streak like that in, like, forever. Paul: Oh, it's not luck, you know. It's skill. You're very good. You're a very good pool player. And a crackerjack P.I., too. Henry: You coming on to me? You're making me blush here. Paul: No, it's true. You remember that surveillance work you did? Henry: Yeah. What, for you, when I bugged Dusty's club? Paul: Yeah. That was superb work. Really. Henry: No. Paul: Yeah, excellent. Henry: It was nothing. I was just doing my job. It was no big deal. Paul: You don't give yourself enough credit. And you're -- I'm sorry. Henry: Don't worry about it. Paul: I dropped your jacket. Henry: I don't care anymore. Paul: You're a great guy. Look at us -- two great guys. [Both laugh] It's no wonder Emily wants to hang out with you all the time. Henry: Wait, hold on, be serious -- be serious for a second. Be serious for a second. Don't get any wrong ideas here now. Emily and I are just friends and nothing more. That's it. Paul: Oh, I know that. But I think your friendship with Emily is really great. Especially now. You know, she doesn't have a lot of people she can turn to. Henry: No, and marrying you -- no offense -- marrying you, I think, may have lost her a few friends here and there. Paul: People think I want to mess up her whole life. Henry: I used to think that about you, too, Paul. Paul: Well, I'm glad you changed your mind. Henry: I did. Paul: Look, I want you to be a good friend to Emily. And to me, too but especially to Emily. Henry: Sure, why? Paul: Look, it's no secret, you know, she's a handful. She's impulsive. She's possessive. Henry: Paranoid. Slip of the tongue. Sorry about that. Paul: No, no, no. It's true. It's all -- all of it's true. But I'm in love with her. I'm committed to our marriage. 100%. Henry: That's good, because, you know if you turned on her -- Paul: Oh, hell hath no fury -- Henry: -- Like Emily scorned. [Both laugh] Paul: Yeah. We're kind of working things out. I think that that's what marriage is. It's a discovery. Henry: It's a balancing act, they say. Paul: Mm-hmm. I wish she tell me everything, though. But I guess that's something you have to earn. Henry: Yeah. Paul: I think she's keeping something from me. Henry: What? What? What? Paul: I don't know. I think she's keeping something from me. And I'm not sure what it is, but I think it's something important. And I think she really wants to tell me, but she just can't bring herself to do it. Henry: I don't blame her. Paul: Why do you say that? Henry: Why do I say what? Paul: You just said, "I don't blame her." What's Emily hiding? Henry: Emily's hiding something? Paul: Mm-hmm. I think she's hiding something and I think you know what it is. [In Russian accent] Henry: I know nothing. Paul: Come on, Henry. Look, I'm just trying to be a good friend to Emily like you're a good friend to Emily. I'm trying to help her. You know, the way you help her. So tell me, what is it that Emily’s got so locked up inside? Henry: Oh, something terrible.
Paul: I want Emily to be happy. Help me do that. Come on, Henry. Henry: What -- what makes you think she's in trouble? Paul: Tell me she's not. Henry: This is you asking, right? This is no cops, right, Paul? Paul: You think I would turn my wife in to the cops? Henry, I'm hurt. Henry: Okay, I had to ask. Paul: I love Emily. I would do anything for her. Henry: Yeah, unfortunately, so would I. Paul: Well, then do this. Do this, Henry. Tell me, what's going on? Henry: Sometimes it's like -- like a two-ton weight around my neck. Paul: Okay. Well, then, you know what? Throw some of the weight my way, brother. Let me carry it for a while, huh? What has she done? What is this weight that Emily’s carrying around her neck? Henry: It's interesting timing, that's all. Paul: What? You think Jack's here because of me? I am not setting you up. Henry: Yeah, of course you're not, Paul. Paul: No, look, Henry, you have to trust me. Okay? The same way I have to trust you. We'll do this together. We'll trust each other, and together we'll figure out a way to get Emily out of whatever mess she's gotten herself into. But please, please, Henry, tell me what's going on. Henry: Okay, I'll tell you what I know. I'll tell you what she's told me. She said that you didn't try to kill yourself. That she shot you. Paul: She told you that? Henry: That's what she told me. Yeperoonie. That's what she told me. Bam. Paul: And that's her terrible situation that we are trying to save her from? Henry: She's waiting for the other shoe to drop, Paul. It always does. Paul: If I were trying to set her up, don't you think that I would do that before we tied the knot? Henry: Maybe you've got some master plan, dude. Paul: You know what? You're dodging. You are and you're terrible at it. Jack came in and you're scared. You're afraid to trust me now but, look, you have to know that Jack being here has nothing to do with me. Just the way I know that Jack being here has nothing to do with you. Henry: Yeah, but my alliance is with Emily. And I still think that you are trying to hurt her. So, I am sorry, but no go. Paul: No go? No go what? Henry: No go. No go, info. I've told you everything I'm gonna tell you and that's it. Now, excuse me, I'm gonna go home and pass out in private. All right? Why do I never remember to stop after three? Paul: Henry, Henry, Henry, please.
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