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Monday, April 14, 2008 Brad shows up on Henry's doorstep to tell him the wedding is on. Brad asks Henry to be his best man, and Henry agrees and even helps him get fitted for a tux. But he worries about bad luck when Brad goes to see Katie while she's trying on dresses. Later, Mike shows up and Henry reminds him that Katie is marrying someone else. Today’s episode was directed by Habib Azar. No writer listed due to writer's strike.
Transcripts from TVMegasite [ Knock on the door ] Henry: I'm coming, I'm coming! Oh, it's you. I thought it was a police raid. Why are you battering down my door? Brad: Okay, it's a done deal. It's a done deal, Henry. We set a date. Henry: Well, that's great. You know, I had my worries. Brad: Was there any doubt, my man? Henry: The spine, the ribs, the buttocks -- the punctured lung -- Brad: Okay. Serious question. Henry: Yeah? Brad: Will you be my best man? Henry: My what? Brad: My best man. Henry: Brad, that's -- wait a second, what about -- what about jack? I mean, isn't it traditional to have the brother be the best man? Brad: Henry, my brother is the recently annulled husband of my bride. Henry: That's a good point. That is all sort of enmeshed, isn't it? Well, if jack is out of the running, then I would be honored. No more hugs -- no more hugs, okay -- Brad: I'm sorry, I'm just -- I'm happy. I just -- I'm happy. Henry: Yeah, great. When is the big day? Brad: As soon as Katie gets a dress and we can find someone to perform the ceremony. Henry: That's -- right, no long engagements for you. Not with Mike Kasnoff in town. You need to make her Mrs. Brad Snyder immediately, if not sooner.
Brad: Mike Kasnoff has got nothing to do with this. And Margo hadn't stopped us from eloping, Katie and I would already be married. Henry: That -- that might have been better. Brad: No, no, no -- she wants to have a ceremony with all of our friends and family there to support her. Mike has gotten nothing to say about this. We're getting married, and she's going to have the perfect day she always dreamed of. Now, are you down with that or not? Henry: Perfect day for Katie? I'm definitely down with that. Brad: Who are you calling? Henry: I'm calling my tailor. If we're going to have a perfect wedding, we're going to need tuxes, and soon. Okay.
Henry: You understand, signore? We need the tuxedos soon. Quick. Pronto. Tailor: Your friend is a huge. Brad: A huge? What's a huge? Henry: It's Italian for grande. Brad: Oh! Oh, what -- come -- Tailor: Why did he jump like that? Henry: He's -- he's just ticklish. Brad, look, he's just trying to measure the inseam of your trousers. Okay, it's nothing personal. Don't get worried. Brad: Henry, it felt personal. Henry: Brad, you're getting married. Now be a man and let the tailor measure your inseam.
Brad: Henry, thank you so much for the tuxedo. Henry: Hey, Brad, to introduce you to a life of sophistication and elegance, it's what I live for. Brad: No, I'm serious. You know, I really want to look good -- for Katie. And you know, I just -- it's just good that I can count on you. You're a really -- you're a good friend. Henry: Okay, okay, you're welcome. I had enough of this manly sincerity. Have a seat. Have something to eat. It's on me. Brad: I wonder if Katie picked out a dress yet. Henry: Please, please, please -- these are women's mysteries. They're best left alone. Don't even think about it. Brad: No, no, no, no -- I have to think about it. Because when she does, that means we tie the knot. Henry: No -- Brad: I'm going to go see if -- Henry: No, Brad -- no, no. Brad, no, no! What are you insane, man? It is bad luck to see the bride -- Brad: Oh, get real -- it's the 21st century -- okay, we don't need luck. This wedding is a go. It's going to happen. It's going to happen.
Henry: Oh! Oh, look what you made me do. It's all over the place -- it's a disaster! Vienna: Oh, what are you getting so upset about? It's just a little bit of salt. Henry: What -- no, no, no -- Vienna: We'll just get a broom -- Henry: No, no, no, no broom. No broom. Just step back, okay? Vienna: Henry, what has gotten into you? Are you okay? Henry: I'm fine -- I'm fine. I just -- I just need to get a pinch here. Vienna: Oh, a little bit of pinch right there? Henry: No -- nothing like that, sweetie. Sweetie -- a pinch of salt. Okay. Was that the right shoulder though -- maybe it's the left shoulder. I can't remember what it's supposed to be. Vienna: Okay -- have you been drinking? Because you promised me no martinis this early in the morning. Henry: No, I'm as sober as a judge. I'm as sober as the supreme court. I just -- I know a bad omen when I see one, all right? Vienna: Oh, dear, and I thought my language was getting way better. Henry: Your language, your English, everything is fine. I'm talking about cultural tradition here. Now, when you spill salt, you're supposed to take a little pinch. You toss it over your shoulder or there will be hell to pay. It's bad luck. Do you understand bad luck? Vienna: Yes -- Henry: What -- Vienna: I just didn't know you were this superstitious. Henry: Some things you don't question, my darling, okay? Like Brad -- he went to see Katie -- there was a 60/40 chance that he would have seen her in the wedding dress. That is the worst bad luck you can possibly have. Now, you add some spilled salt to that, and you're a dead duck, my friend. Vienna: No way! It's bad for him to see her in the wedding dress before the wedding? Henry: Oh, good god, woman. Do you know nothing? Vienna: All I know is that is some silly wedding dress have no power over the happiness between Katie and Brad. They are going to have a wonderful life together. Henry: Yeah, how do you know this? Vienna: Because I know Brad and I know Katie and I know that they're meant for each other. Just like you and me. Henry: You're very persuasive. Vienna: Do you remember when you bet me that Katie wouldn't accept his proposal? Well, who was right and who was wrong? Henry: Well, I was wrong. It turned out to be one of the best nights I ever had in my life. Vienna: Well, would you like another night like that? Promise me that you will stop worrying. They're going to be just fine.
Henry: Hey, Mike. You thinking deep thoughts? Mike: Yeah. Henry: What's the problem? Mike: I was just went down to fashions and I saw Katie in her wedding dress. Henry: Ouch. Wow, that is -- that is unfortunate. To say the least. Mike: Yeah, it brought back so many memories. Henry: Yeah, uh-huh. Memories -- memories, that's the key word. As in things that happened in the past. Things that are over. Not happening now in present. Mike: You're a little jumpy, Henry. What's your point? Henry: My point is that Katie is marrying someone else, Mike. Mike: Yeah. I'm aware. All too aware.
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