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Tuesday, March 31, 2009 Henry and Vienna decide to tell Brad and Katie the truth - that she's not pregnant. But then Vienna realizes that she is pregnant (again?), with Henry's baby. And she wants to give it to Brad and Katie and not tell them that it's not Brad's child. Today’s episode was directed by Jennifer Pepperman and written by Gordon Rayfield.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Katie: Hello? Henry: It's your favorite ex-husband! Katie: Henry, is something wrong? Henry: No. Katie: Then why are you calling? Henry: We're friends, remember? Can't we talk? Katie: Something's wrong, isn't it? Henry: No. Brad: What's wrong? Henry: We just wanted to take you guys out to lunch. Katie: They want to take us to lunch. Brad: That sounds good to me. I'm starved. Katie: We can do lunch. Henry: Lakeview, say, ten minutes. Katie: We'll be right there.
Vienna: How could you tell her everything's fine? Henry: I didn't. I just didn't answer the question. We agreed that we were gonna tell them in person. Vienna: How do you tell someone her baby's -- gone? Henry: Technically, it never really existed. Vienna: It existed in her mind and mine. Henry: Okay. Okay. So, we'll try the insemination again if you want to. Vienna: Why wouldn't I? Henry: No reason. Vienna: You'd rather I didn't? Henry: I was never a big fan of the idea to begin with, but i got on board from the start, and I'm not gonna get off. Vienna: Just admit it, Henry. You're ecstatic that there's no baby! Henry: I'm not ecstatic. Vienna: Relieved? Henry: No. Vienna: Well, you're not exactly grieving! Henry: What? What? What do you want me to say? Vienna: Nothing. You know what? I really don't feel that good. Henry: That's just the tension. Vienna: No, it's not. I feel really sick. Henry: Relax, okay? You'll feel a lot better once we tell the truth.
Katie: Hey! You guys are here! Henry: Hey. Katie: We got you a gift. It's a photo album. So, the next time you get a sonogram, you can use the picture as the first baby picture in the book. Vienna: I think I'm gonna be sick. Katie: I can take the album back. Vienna: No. It's not that. My stomach's been doing flips all morning. Katie: It's probably morning sickness. That should be happening by now. Vienna: No, it's something I ate, probably. Katie: You didn't eat sushi, did you? Vienna: No! Katie: Did you get your hair dyed? 'Cause you know that can be really bad for the baby. Henry: It's not hair dye. Brad: Okay. Then what is it? What is going on? Henry: Vienna, why don't you just spit it out? Vienna: I can't spit it out. I think I'm gonna throw up.
Katie: Is she okay? Henry: Yeah. It's just an upset stomach. Katie: You're sure? Henry: I'm positive! She'll be back in a minute. Katie: I feel terrible. Brad: Well, maybe it's something going around. Katie: No, no. I don't mean that way. It's just, I feel so healthy, and it doesn't seem fair. Vienna's green with morning sickness, and I've never felt better. Brad: Well, good thing we don't have to have babies, right? That would suck. Katie: Yeah, it would. If men had to have babies, then there would be no babies. Brad: That is so true. Katie: But it's good. The morning sickness thing is actually a good sign. It means her hormone levels are up, and everything's going fine. Okay! What is wrong? Henry: What? With me? Nothing. Nothing. I was just thinking about this hysterical chapter in my book, "The Man from Oakdale." You finished reading it, right? Everyone's reading it. Of course you finished it. But you know what? This is a great chapter. I think I'll go upstairs and get another copy of it. Katie: Henry, sit! What aren't you telling us? Henry: What makes you ask that? Katie: You're evading the question. Henry: No, I'm not. Brad: You're talking to a professional interviewer. So, what's going on? Henry: Let's just wait for Vienna to get back down, okay? Hey, excuse me! Excuse me! Could I get a martini, please? Katie? Katie: Water's fine. Brad: Me, too. Henry: Okay. Wild crowd. Could you make that a double? Looks like I'm drinking for three.
Katie: Shouldn't we go check on Vienna? Henry: She's okay. Katie: She's been gone a long time. Henry: Yeah. Here she is now! Katie: Hey! Are you all right? We were worried about you? Vienna: Oh, I've never felt better. Henry: Really? Vienna: Yes. Morning sickness is like that. It passes. It means the pregnancy is going well. Henry: What are you talking about? Brad: Well, that's what Katie just said, that it's a good sign. Vienna: Yeah. Henry: It is, if you're pregnant. Both: What is going on? Henry: Vienna has something to tell you. Don't you, Vienna? Vienna: I do. Katie: What is it? Vienna: I should have told you this sooner, but I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to bring it up. Henry: You're doing fine. Katie: It's okay. What is it? Vienna: Okay. It's possible -- it could be twins! Henry: What? Brad: Twins? Like, as in two babies at the same time? Vienna: Yes! Yes! Twins run in my family. Katie: Wouldn't they have been able to tell that on the sonogram? Henry: Yes, yes. They would have. They would have been able to see that. And what did they see on the sonogram, liebchen? Vienna: Well, sometimes on a sonogram, one twin can shield the other from the sonogram, and their hearts beat so close, it sounds like one. Henry: You know what? I think we should postpone this lunch and I should take you upstairs so you can lie down. Vienna: No. I feel wonderful! Full of life! Henry: Well, you look pale. I think you should get out of here. In fact, I insist. Come on. We'll take a rain check on this? Katie: Yeah, of course. Henry: Great. All right. Okay, let's go. Katie: Take care of yourself, Vienna. Vienna: I'll call you later. Katie: And don't eat any sushi!
Henry: What the hell was that? Twins? What are you, out of your mind? Vienna: No! Henry: You were supposed to tell them the insemination didn't take! Vienna: I know! Henry: So, why did you double down like that? Why didn't you tell them that you weren't pregnant? Vienna: Because I am pregnant! Henry: Vienna. Vienna: No! I feel just the same way as I did after the insemination. I can feel it's happening! Henry: No. Sweetheart, sweetheart. The doctor did all kinds of tests, the sonogram, and didn't find any babies. Not two babies, not one baby -- no babies! Vienna: Maybe then, but now i can feel it. I know my body! Henry: It's a scientific impossibility. I mean, maybe when you were pregnant at first. But since you aren't pregnant, you can't be pregnant again! Vienna: Why not? Henry: Well, I mean, not without -- Vienna: Exactly. Henry: You mean, when -- when we came home from the doctor? Vienna: Mm-hmm. I was so depressed, and you cheered me up. Henry: That's impossible. Vienna: It's not. Henry: You're saying -- Vienna: I am. Henry: Oh, my god. That it's mine?
Henry: It can't be. Vienna: No, it can. Henry: How did this happen? Vienna: Do I really have to explain it to you, Henry? Henry: Tell me this isn't happening. Vienna: It's happening! I can feel the cells dividing! Henry: No, you can't! Vienna: Yes! Henry: No! You're upset because you lost Brad and Katie's baby, and your mind is playing tricks on you. Vienna: No. This is real, Henry, and I'll prove it to you.
Henry: Anything? Vienna: Not yet. Henry: How long does this take? Is it done? Vienna: It's not a cake, Henry. Henry: Vienna -- okay, so what does that mean? Vienna: It means what I told you it means. [ Knock on door ] Brad: Henry and Vienna? Henry: What do we do? Vienna: We let them in. Henry: And then what? Vienna: We tell them I'm pregnant. Henry: They already know that! At least they think they know that, and of course it's true, so they do know that. Wait a second! Wait a second! Vienna: What? Henry: If they see that thing, then they'll realize that something is wrong or something. Vienna: Hello. Brad: Oh, hey. We didn't want to disturb you. We know you're resting. Katie: So, why is Henry on the bed? Vienna: Well, we weren't exactly resting. Brad: Won't that hurt the baby? Vienna: No, of course not. Brad: You be careful. Katie: Okay. I know I'm being crazy and probably a little bit annoying. So, I promise that, when this is over, I'll be done with it. But I just want to know if everything's going okay and make sure that you're not keeping anything from us and that the pregnancy is going well and the baby's fine and that you'll give us the baby when it's born. Vienna: Everything is fine, Katie. Everything is fine with the pregnancy, the baby. Everything is fine. I promise you, this baby is yours, 100%.
Katie: I'm so sorry I was being so paranoid. Vienna: No. It's no problem. You can ask me anything whenever you want. Katie: Thank you. Brad: Thanks for putting up with us, man. Henry: Of course. Katie: Feel better. Behave yourself. Henry: I will. Katie: And don't eat sushi! Vienna: No. Henry: Why did you promise Katie the baby? Vienna: Because that's why I'm having it. Henry: No. That's why you're having Brad's baby, not mine. Vienna: What difference does it make? They want a baby! They want a baby, and they're going to get one. Henry: They're expecting it to be half Brad's, not half mine! Vienna: I know, Henry, but you don't want it, do you?
Henry: Of course I don't want a baby. I'm just -- if -- when we give it up, I'm just worried that they're gonna realize that it's not Brad's. Vienna: How? Henry: What if it turns out to be brilliant or talented or actually learns how to read? I mean, I think it'll be obvious. Vienna: It won't matter by then. It'll be their child! Henry: But it's not, Vienna. It's ours. It's yours and mine. It's what you've always wanted. Are you sure you're willing to give that up? Vienna: What choice do I have? I don't want to give you up! Henry: Still -- Vienna: But listen, Henry. You have made your position clear, and so have I. So let's just leave it at that. This baby is Brad and Katie's, not ours!
Vienna: I promised I would never make you be a father, and I won't. No one ever has to find out this isn't Brad's baby. Henry: Not even if it's Mozart and Picasso and Einstein rolled into one? And Billie Holiday, Sylvia Plath, and Marie Curie? Vienna: No, no one will never, ever have to know, right? Henry: Right. The fact is, it is our baby. Part you, part me. Vienna: So? Henry: So, that's very interesting.
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